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how can i be fair?

i have 3 children. Dominic is 4 Santino is almost 3, and Brianca is 9mo. Santino has autism. all of my time and attention goes to him. he gets away with so much, and i don't know how to explain to Dominic that his brother is different. i want to be fair. i want to treat them the same, but is that really possible? i can't expect much from Santino, but i expect all of the normal things from Dominic. Dominic often mimics his younger brother's behavior, and doesn't understand that it's not ok for him. how do i treat them fair? how is a 4 year old supposed to comprehend all this?


Asked by bestmommyeber at 1:59 PM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 9 (351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I'll never forget something a professor told me when I was training to become a teacher... Fairness is NOT everyone getting the same thing or the same treatment. Fairness IS everyone getting their needs equally met. Your kids have very different needs. That would be true even if Santino didn't have autism (although certainly that complicates things). And so you have to treat your kids very differently. That's okay. You'll drive yourself crazy if you try to divide your time and resources and rules exactly evenly between your children. It just isn't practical. Maybe you can view this as an opportunity to teach your kids about how different people have different needs, and that's okay. And I know this might sound harsh, but maybe this can also be a lesson for your kids that life often isn't fair, and that's okay, too. What counts is that you love them all and you are doing your best.

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 2:09 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I treat my DD with autism the same way that I treat my DD and DS without autism. They will only behave differently if you allow them too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • that's not true. i don't know how affected your dd is, but my son is severe. he has no language at all. we are spending thousands of $ every month to improve his life, but he will never act normal. it just is not possible right now. i am doing everything in my power to normalize him, but i can't deny his differences.

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 2:59 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Maybe take your 3 year old out for the day just him and you, do something fun, and then at the end discuss with him that his older brother is different and sometimes needs extra help, and it would really help you if he could help him sometimes too. I hope this helps, its a very hard of luck.

    Answer by ELC at 4:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Can you get him involved in helping you out with your son Santino. I know hes young but if Dominic was involved as he grows he may understand more and more. This way also you can give him more attention and he can feel like he is getting more attention as well.

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:46 PM on Nov. 12, 2008