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Is it normal...

not to have a true bond with your child? I mean, I care, but I can't honestly say that I have a bond with him. Life has been a struggle with him from day one, I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I feel bad about myself sometimes because I love all my kids so much. I try with him, but its always something with him which makes it so hard I guess.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (6)
  • I don't think I ever really bonded with my son. When he was born, he was taken to a special hospital so I never got to spend those first minutes with him and I think that caused me to be slightly distant. Don't misunderstand, I loved my son and I miss him every day, but I don't think I had that special bond with him.

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 2:07 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • i hope it's normal, i have similar problems with my 4 year old. i only got about 6 hours with her in the hospital before she was taken from me. the nurses came to "give her a bath" and never brought her back. turns out she was retracting and in serious respiratory distress and had to spend the rest of our stay in the NICU. at the same time, my pregnancy-incuded blood pressure wasn't coming down so they had to start a 32-hour magnesium drip, and you are not allowed out of bed on the drip not even to pee. i finally begged to be wheeled over and hold her but i couldn't stay long. my mom had to go back and forth, and this is why i think the two of them have the special motherly bond that was so ripped away from me. i still love her as much as i love my younger children, but the bond is not the same.

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:10 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • my dd is more independant. plus, daddy seems to be the one she'd rather play with, he wrestles with her and stuff. it seems like i'm more the "mom" than play mate. but we get along fine. any bonding we normally do is like coloring together or watching tv. she'll help me around the house, but she is more of a daddy's girl. she knows that i love her, and i know she loves me. it doesn't always feel like we are close, but she'll always be my baby and she knows that.

    Answer by nickellmomof2 at 2:11 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • both of you have had the same experience as me. When he was born I never got to see him or hold him since he was immediately rushed to another hospital. I still never got to hold him for almost 3 months. which I believe is a big reason for the detachment. Thanks for sharing your experience to know that I'm not alone it that.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:13 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I love my daughter but in the beginning it was rough for me too. I also had a baby that I could not see hold or touch because she was in the NICU for over a month. There is some detachment but there are moments when our relationship comes together. The first time she says I need you mommy or asks for you when she is sick, that's a big deal. The first time you realize that you need her too. It's different but not any less profound and not any less natural or "good". It happened for me. Good luck!

    Answer by ashleyaction at 2:30 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • i so know what you mean. me and my 5 yr old fight constantly! every day is a struggle to like him......i love him to death, but im not bonded with him like my mother is. and that was my fault. we lived with my parents for the first almost 2 yrs of his life, and she would put me down as a mother and just totally take over. now i think b/c of that, i have a hard time dealing with him. he is totally out of control!

    i now have a 6 week old, and i am on my own with her, and we are so totally bonded already, and feel really bad b/c i think my son can see that, and im not even doing it on purpose.
    so my new yrs res, is to be more involved with him, let daddy take over baby more often so me and son can color, play with cars, go places, watch his favorite far it is going ok, but he still has other issues that need to be addressed, but we are slowly but surely on our way to being good together.

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 12:43 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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