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4 Bumps

Don't know if I should apologize? Long

A week ago my mom and I had it on the phone.

Me: My sister hasn't been able to make a decent decision in her 28 years of life.
Mom: Well that must make me a bad parent.
Me: No. It just means that my sister can't make a decent decision to save her life.
Mom: Well if I am a bad parent, then how did you turn out like you did.
Me: Because I can make decent decisions and put my family first.
Mom: Well you're a bad parent b/c you don't socialize your child 5 days a week in daycare.
Me: I'm sorry that I have the luxury of being able to work from home, which means that we don't need to pay for daycare.
Mom: Just b/c you don't have to pay for daycare doesn't mean that your child shouldn't socialize.

I don't see why I should pay for my child to go to a daycare so that she can socialize with children her own age. She has friends of different ages, some older, some younger and she plays well with all of them. I just can't justify spending money to do something that she gets to do on the weekends when we are able to see our friends and she gets to play with hers.

Did I do anything or say anything wrong that I should be apologizing for? I didn't call her bad mother, but she did call me one. She told me to call her when I came down off of my high horse. BTW this conversation started b/c my sister was being released from jail for the umpteenth time and I just said that she needs to start making better decisions for her and her 5 yo DD.

Answer Question

Asked by coala at 2:31 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (37,086 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Sounds like your mom was being defensive. Like she thinks your sisters problems are due to her upbringing. You were not wrong in what you said, your mom was. I would ignore her until she comes off her high horse.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:34 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I think someone else has a high horse. She's sensitive about your sister and blames herself. Don't apologize. Agree to disagree at most, she said hurtful things to you and judged a parenting decision that really ins't her business. Tell her to come socialize your daughter some time if she feels like she's not getting enough social interaction, no one's stopping her! I think she's misplacing blame and I don't think it's going to help anyone for you to enable her to behave that way. Sorry. Good luck!

    Answer by ashleyaction at 2:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Your mom is probably very sensitive to what people might be thinking about her and/or her jailed daughter. Even if she may not discuss it, she's probably feeling guilty, wondering what she could have done different. Although you weren't attacking her, it just might have hit a sore spot for her. My mother had a jailed son and she beat herself up internally for years thinking she was responsible in some way. I'd give her some breathing room, and then talk when everyone has had some time, and say I think we had some miscommunication, maybe we can start fresh. I bet she was lashing out because she felt like she was being attacked. It might not be right, and it might not feel good, but it definitely happens, even in the best of families. Good luck to you.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 2:39 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Nope, I would expect one from her!

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I dont understand....she questioned your feelings on her parenting, you told her she wasn't a bad mom, yet the next thing she says is "if i'm a bad mom.....". I don't think you need to apologize for anything

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 2:41 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • No, you didn't do anything wrong and I really think she should have gave you one for calling you a bad mom.

    Answer by momto4girzls at 2:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • No she was wrong not you and no you should not put your kid in daycare alot of moms hate having to take their kids to daycare an the kids hate it to so keep them home with you and go to the park now and then.

    Answer by peace013 at 3:44 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I think you were right but I have learned sometimes we are better off not saying anything at all. My myounger sister has been recently been treating me bad and really hurting my heart I mention it to my mom and its because shes pegnant(sis).
    No you dont need to send your child to daycare thats probably why you work at home! She felt threatened by you so she did it back to you she was wrong shes your mom she should be there to love and protect you. Obviuosly your sister is a sore spot for her. Waita few days than call her and justdiscuss other stuff, dont reopen old wounds. Be the bigger person. When youneed help and advise re; nyour sis write us! Thats what we are here for to support others!

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 3:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • If that were my mother she would be waiting til hell froze over for that apology. I wouldn't be calling her at all.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 4:05 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I wouldnt apologize you didnt nothing wrong.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:11 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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