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if you are a first time mom, you have a toddler and are done....

I am a first time mom, ds is almost 3. He is my only. I really dont know if I'm done or not (ds was a "surprise"). I would love for him to have a sibling. I have a sister and it is great having her in my life. DS is great with babies and I think another child would "complete the family". But he is going through such a crazy wild phase (hopefully a phase lol) right now I just dont know if I could handle him and a newborn. I feel guilty and feel a bit selfish for feeling this way....advice? can you relate?

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Asked by Owl_Feather at 4:34 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 22 (13,272 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I felt that way when my son turned 2, but then I realized that I don't want there to be a LOT of years between my kids so they actually PLAY together. Only you can decide what is right for you. Ours is due a month after my son's 3rd bday :)

    Answer by Misteh at 4:35 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • There is no such thing as being selfish about not having more kids. I was an only and I love it.

    Answer by ashisamom at 4:37 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Lots of people have only one. Lots of people have more than 2-3 years between kids. Keep in mind though it can take a few months to get pregnant and then you stay pregnant for 10 months! That's a lot of time for DS to grow and mature.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I have 3 boys ages 5 3 and 2 so I definately understand the feeling of "can I handle this". If you want another one now would be the time to do it tho. Think of it this way even if you got pregnant in the next month it's still 9 months at the earliest that you would have 2 LO's. By then your DS should be 4.

    I personally feel it's the perfect gap because your oldest is old enough to help out and entertain himself if the need arises. Plus he should be going to some kind of preschool by then too.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 4:38 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • also I recently got a job after being a sahm for 2+ years and it has been helping a lot with our bills. I have a night shift and couldnt imagine being super mom all day to 2 kids then working at nighttime. I'd get no sleep with a newborn. Hell I guess I wouldnt be the only one...many moms go through it. And I'm finally losing the weight i gained w/ ds lol

    Comment by Owl_Feather (original poster) at 4:45 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • i can SO relate. we have a 3 year old and since his birth, although very planned, he's been a challenging child. we have yet to make a final decision about being done but we couldn't imagine throwing a newborn in the mix again.. Its a myth about children being more socially well rounded if they have siblings.. only children thrive in the social area just the same, if not more in some cases. RIght now, HE works for us.. and most days, I don't want to lose the connection we have as it being the 3 of us

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:47 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I thought that too but now my toddler entertains my baby. LOL!

    Answer by babiesandkids at 10:34 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • My son is 4.5 years old and will be an only. He is stubborn, very independent, and will tell you he does not want a sibling. He socializes perfectly fine with other kids. He attends preschool and his teacher said he is the most social one of the group. He is also the only one without siblings. My husband and I went back and forth for awhile on this issue. Eventually though, we realized our family is complete. We also realized that the bond we have with our son, we probably would not have if he has siblings. Plus, we are not willing to divide our time, resources,etc just so he will have a sibling he may or may not get along. You have plenty of time to decide. Age gap means nothing, it is all in how you raise them. Trust me. 20 months difference in my brother and me. We hate each other and always have to this day.

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 3:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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