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I have a 3 year old daughter who always says she wants to be a boy. "When I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to be a boy" She is always the brother when playing, she will not wear dresses or anything pink, girly, or "fancy". Any ideas on why she feels like she is supposed to be a boy?

My mind is going to the dark side. I have been hoping it was a phase but it has been a year. I wish I could find out how she got the idea that boys are better than girls and find a way to change her mind. She also said she just doesn't like having "long girl hair" in her face.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (22)
  • My guess is that she probably just wants to be lke her big brother.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 4:48 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Sorry hun. My first thought is right with you about the phase thing. Other than that I would get her in to talk to a professional. She may only be 3 but if it's serious you want to get to it now.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 4:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • It's a phase. Don't perpetuate it but don't discourage it either. She may just be a tom boy and there is nothing wrong with that! Just because she is a girl doesn't mean she has to wear dresses and play baby dolls all the time.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Mom, there is no dark side here, if she is only three and feels this strongly about the subject, this is only common in transgenders and a few homosexuals, there is nothing dark about this, it is just the way some people are wired, they are still the same people otherwise.

    Answer by older at 4:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I would do some research on gender identity issues. Maybe this is just a phase that will pass, maybe it is more. Either way, I don't think you can change her mind and I don't think you should try. I think it's so, so important to let her work this out on her own, and to let her know that you love her no matter what she wears or how her hair is cut. If she does have gender identity issues then her life will have enough challenges without adding onto it by feeling like she is a disappointment to her mother, or not what you want her to be. If it's a phase then just let it pass on its own and eventually she may come back to liking girlie things. If you really struggle with this, as a lot of mothers surely would, then I think it would be a good idea to get some support or counseling for yourself as well. It could be nothing but I would act cautiously in case it's more than a phase, and always show your UNCONDITIONAL love. GL!

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • This is one reason I am a believer in being born with one gender, and your minds just on the opposite track to your gender. Not saying that this is what your daughter is going through.

    About your daughter... I wouldn't try to push her into anything, that could have the opposite affect. It could just be a phase too, even if it has been a year.

    I am straight, married a man, have no sexual interest in women. When I was younger like kindergarten age, I always played the boy. I did for two reasons, it was fun, and I was a people pleaser then and now... No one else wanted to be the boy so I pretended to be the boy when playing house. I did this as many years as I enjoyed playing house with my cousins and sister. It didn't turn me gay : )

    If you're really seeking an answer you could consult a child counselor, they may have tips for you to on what questions to ask and such?
    Good luck

    Answer by Skepticchick at 4:52 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Tomboy come to mind. She is only 3. she has a lot of growing to do. and a lot of phases to go through before she is an adult.
    If it come to it, that she is a boy traped in a girls body. What are you going to do????????

    Answer by louise2 at 4:54 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • she will grow out of stop making paying attention when she says she gonna be a boy evently it will die down she watches for your reaction and plays on it

    Answer by alberta878 at 4:58 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Maybe something happened where it was put in her mind that boys are better. Maybe she liked the reaction she got from you or someone else when she said she wanted to be a boy, and combined with her personality, might be just "running with it." If I were in your shoes, I think I would just smile at her comments, not react, and not discourage anything. My friend's daughter is very tomboyish...she relates a lot to her dad who is a very masculine, strong-willed person. No one focuses on it, and while she'd rather play with boy toys and in boy sports, she still likes to dress up for the holidays and she has a crush on a boy in school. I hope everything works out for what is best for you and your family.

    Answer by SandyHack at 5:02 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • It could be a phase or she could genuinely feel that she would rather be a boy.
    There's nothing wrong with it either way.
    Talk to her. See where she's coming from with this. Where she got the idea, etc. She is the only person that can tell you.
    She might be a tomboy and feel that being a boy is what she's supposed to be. Due to liking boy things.
    There's a lot of reasons, but talking to her is the only way you're going to get anywhere.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:11 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

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