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what to do with them

Ok i have 3 kids who do not like to listen to me. my oldest challenges me to no end. no matter what i tell her she wont do unless i spank her or get real mean. I am at my wits end with what to do with her because i am tired of the constant arguing and fights that we have. I have tried time out spanking taking things away and nothing seems to work. Her dad and i are going through a divorce going on 2 and half years now. he's fighting it. He even told them not to listen to me when we were together. she tells me that she wants to go to her dads because he is not mean like i am. He lets them do what they want. SHe is the one that cause s the most problems and her siblings are starteing to follow suit. what can i do to make her mind me without spanking her. I dont like to resort to that. I would appreciate any help. She is 8 soon to be nine and the others are 7 and soon to be 6

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Asked by sammy3 at 4:49 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • It is sinful that the dad is trying to get the kids against you. The two of you need to sit down like adults and agree that the divorce is not about the kids. It is not right to use the kids against the other parent. Kids have enough problems going through a divorce let alone be told bad things about either parent. You both should agree on discipline too. That being said you need to be absolutely consistent on rules and discipline. Each of them has a "currency" which is THE most important thing to them. We used to take that away for an appropriate length of time as punishment. It won't necessarily be a toy. My youngest used to LOVE watching the trash truck. So, occasionally we would say he would not be allowed to watch it. Zero in on what makes them tick. Don't threaten something unless you really will do it. Like saying "you will never watch TV again". That is unrealistic and not something you can follow through on.

    Answer by elizabr at 5:07 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Lastly, make sure they get enough one on one time with you. Plus praise when they do things right. This, along with positive reinforcement, goes a long way to making them feel special and lessen tensions. Kids often go for negagtive attention when they do not get enough positive attention. GL

    Answer by elizabr at 5:08 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I cant sit down with him have never been able to sit down with him and discuss discipline with him. He was a spoiled child that was not made to do what he was suppose to do. he is the baby of the family and was given everything he wanted. I have asked him to help me with their discipline for instance once my daughter was not listening to me and i asked him over the phone to just tell her to listen to what i said and do it. his response to that was that is not the problem you should come home. he is and was a controlling man in our relationship and he thinks that if he can use the children that i will go back to him. I am in school as well and trying to raise them and teach them respect but he fights me on everthing that i teach them. While we were together we went thru classes to help raise the children and he didnt listen. I know that once the divorce is over he will disappear. He is the father to 5 other children besides


    Comment by sammy3 (original poster) at 5:21 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • mine and he has had no contact with them.

    Comment by sammy3 (original poster) at 5:22 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Let the kids know your expectations and also what the consequences will be. And then stick to them, make them reasonable though, like time outs or taking away privileges. Also when the kids do what you want make sure you praise them. Just stick to your guns and the kids will figure out that the rules are different at each house and that they need to follow your rules at your house. Of course they think dad's is more fun when they can do whatever they want, but too bad. Make sure to spend some time doing fun stuff too, like arts and crafts and playing games. If you stick to it, it will get better!!!


    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:23 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

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