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Should everything be equal with step siblings?

I have 2 children with my ex husband. We have always put them in several activities (which I take them to to every practice). Well my ex is with this woman, they are married in the church but not legally so they keep their finances sperate (I think it is because she gets all kinds of welfare since they are not marred, but my ex makes good money so if they got married, she wouldn't get it anymore) Anyway she has 3 kids and they want to do activities too. The problem is neither their dad nor their mom can afford their half for each of them to do an activity. My ex told me that he wants to cut 1 of each of our kids programs (they each take piano lessons, karate and son is in soccer, dd is in dance) so that he can help his step kids take one each. I feel that this is not fair to take from my kids to give to her's. Both of my kids have been doing these activities for years and it would break their hearts to have to give one up. My dd is a brown belt in karate and helps with the younger classes so we pay almost nothing for her karate and within the next year or so, my son will too. I feel bad that her children can't do activties but that not my children's fault and they shouldn't have to suffer because their parents can't afford it. Just to make it clear me and my ex split the cost of the programs 50/50 (plus I spend my gas taking them place to place). It is in our parenting plan (through the court) that we pay 50/50 for each thing, and they are listed. If he wants to stop paying for one, we would have to go for a modification and I can''t see a judge ordering my children to get less to help children who aren't even legally his step kids. Am I wrong?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Jan. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • NO! you are Not Wrong- that is ridiculous for your EX to ask you to do that- tell him to get a part-time job to pay for his SK's activities!


    Answer by daisyb at 11:13 PM on Jan. 11, 2011


    Answer by paulacox48 at 11:14 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • It is not possible to 'equalize' everything between step-siblings. It is stupid to try.

    It is also stupid to try to keep 'everything the same' in changing circumstances. People go bankrupt trying.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:18 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • While I understand he wants to do good for is step kids, he is fiancially taking care of HIS kids and needs to focus on that. IMO

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 11:21 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • While normally I agree that things SHOULD be equal in this instance it is NOT your children's fault. If that's your parenting plan then he needs to stick to it.

    If your husband makes good money why can't he help pay for his step children's stuff?

    The have scholorship programs through many cities too. There are ways for his step children to play sports or whatever...

    but either way...not your problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • I would say ur aren't wrong because She isnt contributing to YOUR children in anyway. I would say otherwise if she was.

    Your kids shouldnt have to lose out on things they love and have been doing for years because their step siblings parents cant seem to afford it. Now if your ex wants to offer to put them in something thats his business and him to work it out within the finances OUTSIDE of the fiances You Two Split!

    Answer by SweetPoison at 11:24 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Anon, he makes enough money to get by but after paying child support, his half of the programs and his own bills and saving for retirement, there just isn't much left. He told me he pays all the bills at their house excpet the cable (he doesn't watch tv) and she gets food stamps so she buys the food she can with that.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:30 PM on Jan. 11, 2011

  • Why should you pay for another woman's children to be able for them to take some sort of activity? He seems to forget that those kids are not his and he isn't really responsible for them. Their mother is the one that is responsible for them. He sure did have the nerve to ask you that though. It was totally out of line. The court order was only for the kids you had together, not someone else's children.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:35 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

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