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Working while pregnant

When I first met my fiance I was single mom working to solely take care of my son. I had a pretty decent job making good money and I was living rather comfortably. From the exterior my fiance always made it seem like his living situation was the same. He had his own place a nice vehicle, a decent job and seemed to be living comfortably. So it was no surprise to me when he said he was buying a house at the age of 25. I was rather happy for him and thought nothing of it. But now being inside of the situation I found out a lot of things I didnt know and now I dont know how I feel about the situation. When My fiance asked me to move in with him, we both were full aware that I was pregnant and he didnt see the point in me having my own place anymore. He told me that I wouldn't have to worry about paying for anything, he just wanted me with him so he knew I was okay. Due to the fact I workin in manual labor I had no choice but to quit my job anyway but because I had so much in savings I still had money to take care of myself and buy groceries and things for the house. At the time when I moved in his mother was staying here, supposedly 'helping him out because he cant pay all the bills on his own.' She told me how she signed to help him get his house and his vehicle and how he doesn't make that much money. Yes it is true I made twice as much as him working at my job doing the same thing, but he still makes decent money. Anyway after awhile his mother became upset with me staying with them and not paying any bills and left, because she told him he wouldn't be able to do it on his own and she wanted to teach him a lesson. I feel bad because I wish I could help him and it is making me feel bad about being pregnant all together. I've become so desperate I've even considered getting a job at mcdonalds just to try and help because I don't want him feeling under so much pressure. I dont know what to do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • she got pissed off and left because you wernt paying any bills? does she know you're pregnant with her grandkid? what a bitch!
    I dont really know what to say though, it was wrong he didnt explain his finacial situations with you but you ARE pregnant with his kid and cant expect you to work manual labor. If things are really that bad I would def get a job somewhere simple... hard thing is with the economy is getting people to hire you.... not to many companies are okay with hiring a pregnant woman knowing shes gonna request leave in a few months after hire. Illegal to discriminate yes but VERY hard to prove in court so if you arnt really showing yet get the job then tell them AFTER
    FITmama2B

    Answer by FITmama2B at 2:56 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't feel bad. If anything he should feel bad. He wasn't upfront with you on his situation from the beginning. Don't ever feel bad about your pregnancy! It sounds like he's not responsible and that's a huge red flag. Be very careful. Don't depend on him or anyone else to support you and your kids. You should be able to work as a receptionist or something like that. Maybe a call center. My dh used to work at a call center and there were tons of preggos there.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 3:01 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • First, I would set up a budget and get an over all view of the finances. Are there things that you could cut out? Could you cook from scratch? If, after assessing the budget, you find that you will need to get a job, then your best bet may be to apply at temp agencies where you will not have to do much labor and the boss won't care if you are going on maternity leave in a few months because he may only need you for 4 weeks and then you move on to the next temp job.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 3:03 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Is there any way of moving to a place much cheaper than that one.And cutting some costs.I mean it isnt your fault it is his maybe he lied or made things seem better because he wanted to feel mocho guys are like that i guess lol but talk it over with him and see what he says.Don't put yourself in a lot of stress it isnt good for the baby.Best wishes and GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
    -KenzieTaylor-

    Answer by -KenzieTaylor- at 3:07 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • yes she was fully aware that I am pregnant, she hated that I take care of the house but she basically wanted me to give her my savings to help pay the bills so much that we got into a big argument about it. He has been firm and told her repeatedly that I am not going to pay bills because I have no say so in what goes I just pretty much live here. Once she moved out the plan was then I would help him because I would have some decisions in what happens in the house. But she just pretty much moved out but left all her stuff so she comes back every week just to see if we have failed yet, washes her clothes and then leaves.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:51 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • get your old job back and move on.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:20 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • sounds dicey to me. What do you mean when you say "I am not going to pay bills because I have no say so in what goes I just pretty much live here"? Is your son living with you? I understand why you're not working and appreciate that your fiance wants to care for you financially BUT you guys are building a life together and you need to be open about finances. Go over what you both have now - keep your savings & his in separate accounts for the time being, but by all means, plan a budget and plan for future expenses. What would happen if something went wrong? What if he loses his job or gets hurt? You need to get a plan in line BEFORE your baby is born.
    MeggieSwan

    Answer by MeggieSwan at 11:26 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • You need to find yourself a job that is not manual labor. Not to take the pressure off of him, but to insure your own comfort and safety. I also do not understand the "have no say, just live there" comment unless he means that your name is not on the mortgage. A house is an investment, so you probably shouldn't be paying for his investment. Maybe that is what he meant. Sounds like his mother has the right idea. He is living beyond his means and needs to learn to scale it back, but that has very little to do with you. You just so happen to be another luxury item he is trying to have even though he can't really afford it. His mother never should have signed for him to get a mortgage. Remind her that if he fails her credit rating will go in the toilet along with his. If you had room for his mother, you probably have room for a paying roommate. Good luck
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • i would get a light duty job and keep putting the money away. He sounds like he wants to help you but you just never know. The money you have previously saved keep for good dont put a dent in keep that your emergency fund. Have him get out all the bills and put them on the table. you have a right to know what you are getting yourself into.
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 1:01 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • wisdom words from my mother whom I didnt listen to cause my husband and I did everything 50/50...which wasnt true actually on his part I found out too late..................... _Nest egg, Nest Egg, Nest Egg---------- I so ended up wishing I had listened cause I was left holding the loss. _and "dont tell him how much of a Nest Egg you have, DO Not touch it ever till you find yourself and your kids needing it and without other help"
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 9:28 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

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