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Ever feel like this?

I was pretty young when I had my son, who is now nine. Through the years, I made a lot of mistakes and unfortunately along the way, have not always made the best choices. Now that I am older, of course, I have us on the right track, but I cant undo the past. Now I am having major behavioral issues with my son and sometimes I feel like he hates me and I know its partly due to my past, but how do I handle things now? How can I get control back after years of being out of control? Is it too late for us to just have a normal life again? I'm so afraid what has happened in the past is going to affect him later. Please help if you have any advice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Nov. 12, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (3)
  • We have all made mistakes in the past, you just start from today and move forward. Start a routine, setting down rules and limits, but not all at once, and stick to them but choose your battles wisely. When my ds was young I was too lenient with him and realized how bad it was when I started sicking to my guns and he says to me when I stuck to a no one day (8yrsold)in the store" Why are you being such a bitch today?" He had never said anything like that before, but he was so used to me giving in that he was mad when I stuck to it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I'm in the same boat with my daughter right now. I had her when I was very young and for many years afterward made some very bad decisions. She's eleven now. Sometimes we are able to talk openly and sometimes she shuts down and I always worry it's because of the mistakes I've made along the way. You have to be firm in what you say. Don't back down because you are afraid he will hate you in the long run. At the same time make sure he always knows how much you love him. You can never say it too much or give too many hugs. Make sure you spend a lot of time listening to him. Even if that listening is just him reading you a book. It means you are sitting down and taking the time to listen to HIM. That will matter to him in the long run.

    Answer by sillyt at 3:27 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • The book reading thing is where I started with my daughter. We would sit down and she wouldn't want to talk about anything so we decided to make book time part of our bedtime routine. Paper stories started to turn into real life stories about friends, boys, school, fears and everything else that goes on in a 9-11 year old's head. Good luck.

    Answer by sillyt at 3:30 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

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