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If you can't get along with the inlaws how will that affect your relationship ?


Asked by NaiveDream at 8:12 AM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,403 Credits)
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Answers (12)
  • You really need to make as much effort as possible to be the better person in the relationship. Don't bitch about them constantly to your DH, find a friend to do that. Don't expect him to take your side every single time, in fact, don't even get him involved unless it's a big deal.

    Answer by lovinangels at 8:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I guess it's better if you can agree to disagree. Try and do your best to get along with them within your comfort zone. It's hard to say something is wrong with your DHs family because he will probably take it personally. Tell him you have differences you are trying to work through and it's hard for you but you are trying. Try to kill it with kindness and if that doesn't work gently tell him what your expectations are of him in the situation and try hard not to ask him to take sides. I know it's hard. I am going through it myself. You don't have to like them but you LOVE him so you are stuck with them. :-) It's ok, it's worth the trade off and it doesn't have to ruin your relationship.

    Answer by ashleyaction at 8:20 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • it depends on how much your dh gets along with them....

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 8:13 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • If you can't get along with the inlaws, it can affect your relationship with your husband in various negative ways. You need to all sit down and talk about how you feel about one another. Maybe you are harboring bad feelings that are unfounded or vice versa. Get everything out in the open. Agree to disagree, but recognize that you are all family and that all of you need to make an effort to get along and respect each other for your husband's sake and/or your children's sakes (even you have children or are planning to).

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:28 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • lets put it this way,,,,, i have a mother in law support group,,, some times you have to say, SCREW THEM!

    Answer by gardenchic at 8:43 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I don't get along with mine and we've been toghether since 1982.
    You have to be able to control your reactions to them, not what they do, and living 600 miles away helps alot.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:18 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • DISTANCE, the further you are from the inlaws the better. My husband is lucky - my parents live 6 hours away. His mom on the other hand lives less than an hour away. Guess who we have to see more. Also, caller ID is your friend. When his mom calls during the day, I don't answer it. All she ever wants is to leave a message for him anyway, let her call his cell and do that. We are civil to each other's parents (out of respect for the spouse, not the parents) and that's about it. We do visit his mom much more than my family, but only out of his own sense of obligation to her and the guilt trips that she dishes out.  Of course, now she wants to move even closer to us, I'm thinking after she does it might be time for us to move again.


    Answer by scout_mom at 9:35 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I've been married for 12+ years. Your relationship with your in-laws is separate from your relationship with your husband, but it affects your marriage as much as you allow it! My fil is a grotesquely toxic human being, and I cannot stand him. Because he cannot control me with an iron fist, as he does everyone else, he is extra-grotesquely toxic to me! ;o/ There have been times in my marriage that I have wanted and expected my husband to not only agree that this is a problem (which he does) but to be proactive about addressing/correcting the problem. He seems unable to do this for some reason...not being raised to stand up to him/talk to him "that way", etc. After several years I realized that this wasn't going to change and so I needed to be the one to change. But only just to steer clear of fil at ALL times. We don't visit them anymore. If they come here, I go on vacation alone for a few days.

    Answer by misses_nick at 9:41 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I think it put a little bit of tension between my husband and I. Even though he doesn't exactly have the closest relationhip with his family. However, overall it didn't effect us much, because we didn't associate with them much.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:48 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I don't know never stayed with anyone if their parents didn't like me. I wouldn't want to come between someone and their parents so to me it wasn't worth being with them if their parents and family didn't care for me. My husbands family loves me and my family loves him makes life much better for both of us we don't have to pick sides.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Jan. 12, 2011