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5 Bumps

Why on earth would you agree with me? adult content

So I am as insecure as the next woman... maybe even more so. I've got some weight to loose but I am on track for my goals. The thing is, as a woman, I hang too much on what my partner says. I seek all sorts of validation for my needs to feel attractive, sexy, valuable, and loved. I know it's all on me to be confident but it's so much easier said than done. Some times (like this morning for ex.) I will make a comment about myself, today it was "gee my butt is getting saggy (LOL) and he AGREED(/AGREES) WITH ME!!! Who does that? He says "Neither of us are looking great lately" (I'm thinking OUCH, WTF??? I wouldn't go THAT far) "Yeah, well we've both gained a lot of weight since we got married". Let me just say that I do nothing but compliment his looks. I always tell him I think he's sexy and handsome and whatever else, because it's true. He HAS gained a lot of weight since we got married, but so what? He's my man, I want him and I appreciate him.

I know he's just a man and I know a lot of them do this... He's a really great husband but stuff like that cuts like a knife. WHY ON EARTH DO THEY DO THIS???

 
ashleyaction

Asked by ashleyaction at 8:35 AM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,543 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I understand how you feel. You are not the only insecure woman in the world. We do tend to be our worst critic and when the person we love sees the flaws the same way we do, it hurts. We expect them to find us attractive regardless of how we have changed. My SO has made similar comments, and it has bothered me. What I think your husband was doing though, is trying to be supportive and empathize. I don't know him, but based on my experience, it sounds as if it was his waying of saying that he understands since his body has changed too. I don't think it was him saying he finds you unattractive or that he even agrees that your butt is saggy.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 12:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • i would get together with him, and BOTH OF YOU START WORKING OUT!!!, my hubby fast walks with me every morn before work! YOU WILL BOTH FEEL GOOD, try it and let me know!
    gardenchic

    Answer by gardenchic at 8:40 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Why ask a question you don't want answered honestly?
    soflashelley

    Answer by soflashelley at 8:51 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Don't ask if you don't want to know. It's not like he just said it out of the blue, you brought it up first and he agreed with you.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 9:33 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Well you said it first. He's not psychic... he doesn't magically 'know' that you want him to say no.

    If he's honest, he gets it in the ass. Sit doen, and tell him that you're not feeling good about it and that together you'd like to start exercising and you'd appreciate his support.
    Stop expecting him to be psychic, if something's bothering you, then tell him and do something about it, don't whinge because he's being honest.
    So you've gained weight too. Doesn't sound like it bothers him either.
    Piskie

    Answer by Piskie at 8:44 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Men (especially younger men in general) don't think like women do. If you say "My butt's getting saggy," and he agrees with you, he is probably trying to be supportive, not a jerk. If a guy asks another guy for their opinion, they expect the truth. Women don't work like that. You were asking him to tell you your butt wasn't saggy, he didn't know that. Granted, he could have just kept his mouth shut :)
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:48 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I learned a long time ago that my husband is honest to a fault - I don't ask him things I know the answer to. Being honest is not a bad thing, and in the long run, you want a man who is truthful with you, not one who sugar coats things.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:24 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Hehe, he leaves at 5:00 am and it's cold in MI, plus our kids aren't awake yet :p but it's a great idea! I WISH we could take the kids out in this weather! We just bought an elliptical on amazon though, it should be here Friday :-D the thing is, it's not even about my weight. I am self conscious and I feel a little yick but I am working hard and I am getting there. (I've lost almost 10 lbs since new years.) What hurts me is when he makes me feel like all of the things that I am worried about or disgusted about are not just my overly critical self image, they are really, truly, disgusting little parts of me. This happens a lot with things I can't change too, like I have a large scar running up my spine from the 8 major spinal surgeries I've had, and my multiple C-sections have left their marks too. I know he means well, trying to show empathy and all, but mostly it just affirms my fears that I am unattractive. I hate it.
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 8:46 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I get it guys, it is my fault. I should not have said anything about my butt. I guess I had to know that he'd likely agree, I just really hoped he wouldn't. That's not fair to him. I just wish that he was into me regardless, sometimes it hurts to hear that you are right and to realize the truth. Like I said, he's a good guy. I love him. I just want to be desirable, and I want to FEEL desirable. I get it, it's all on me, that doesn't make it suck any less. Am I the only chronically insecure woman in the world???

    Also, it wasn't a question. I just said "gee my butt is getting saggy". He didn't have to say anything. I wasn't even necessarily talking to him, I was talking out loud while doing my morning weigh in.
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 8:52 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Sometimes when you respond with a negative comment, you leave it open for the possibility of a negative response. Instead when you get up in the morning be like " I feel great and once i get dressed, i'm gonna look it too!" If weight is an issue, go for walks together and enjoy each other's company.
    virgo550

    Answer by virgo550 at 9:05 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

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