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2 Bumps

Am I being too petty?

My 12 yo (6th grader) got 4 A's and 4 B's on her report card. She has had several D's and D-s and even some F's that have brought her grades down to B's. We express to her 'all' grades even on papers matter. Is this normal at this age? I hear of so... many students that are A students we don't expect all A's but think 4 B's isn't up to her potential. She just won't ask for help from her teachers even though we say ask for help and her teachers say the same thing.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on Jan. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I don't think expecting a child do their best is being petty - if she is getting Ds then she either needs help or she needs to work harder.

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:59 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • She may need some one on one tutoring! I do not think it is petty at all! Good luck to you!

    Answer by jdbrown21 at 9:03 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Yes, I do think you are being petty. The only grades that count are the final/semester grades that will end up on her permanent record. And as far as asking for help, some kids will absolutely not do it. My son was one of these; it was very much a part of his personality that he wanted to face challenges on his own and do things for himself so asking for help was not an option. I am the same way to a degree so I can understand.

    I hope that, despite what you say, you are not subconciously sending the message to her that she needs to get all A's; that's a lot of pressure. I always told my kids that I expected their best, even if it meant that a C was their best. You know whether or not she's putting the effort in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • You aren't expecting to much, although this might be her way of controlling her life. She is at an age where she wants to have some independance and to be treated oldere, while still wanting to be a kid. It is a very hard age. You can't force her to work up to the potential you think she should be at. I have a friend who's son is getting B's and C's because of homework. He finally told them he doesn't show them his work because they yell at him and he gets in trouble so he is afraid to bring it to them if he gets a bad grade. Even smart kids have bad days.

    I would try talking with her on the things she is getting D's on and she what she says.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I think you might be being too petty. I used to tutor middle school kids and believe me there are kids out there doing much worse. Some of the kids I got had parents who expected way too much from them and the kids just stopped trying because nothing was good enough at home anyway. I would talk to the parents and tell them these are still just children. If they are getting A's and B's then they are still doing good.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:15 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Why are you putting it all on the teachers? Learning starts and continues at home. That should never stop. You should always go to them and find out what they're having a hard time with and helping them work it out. You're her very first and very last teacher. The school is only there to teach the student during those 8 hours, and never should they be the primary source of education. You need to step in now and help her figure out what she doesn't understand.

    Some children are easy learners .. Others have a hard time learning. Some excell in one subject over another, etc. The point is .. It depend son your child, their willingness to learn, and why they're not getting the grades they should be. Find the problem, solve the problem, but be involved.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:32 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I don't think your being petty but if she is getting d's she may need some extra help. I don't expect my DD's to get A's but only to try their hardest and if I see they are having trouble we step up study time at home, if that doesn't help then our next step is a tutor.

    Answer by momto4girzls at 9:42 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Petty? Depends on the situation. Do you believe she is trying her best? Is she studying? Can she do better? Im having the same issue with my 6th grader,but my answers to those questions would be "no". Huge lack of effort. Maybe its the age. Good Luck!

    Answer by tammyyyyy5 at 10:08 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I don't think it's Petty to get upset at our kids who aren't trying their best. I have the same thing going on with my 17 year old, it's frustrating. If she is getting D's and F's on somethings it usually means one of 2 things. Either she is being lazy and not turning in all her work, or she's struggling with certain aspects of the class and isn't self advocating. But all in all this IS normal teenaged behavior, but that doesn't mean that we, as parents, don't have a responsibility to our kids

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:21 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • She is currently getting A's and B's and you are complaining? I don't understand? She is being a normal middle schooler. She could be having issues in the courses that she is doing poorly in. Work is a lot harder and more responsibility is put on the child in middle school than in elementary school. A parent can only do so much to encourage a child but the ultimate responsibility is on the child to do what they need to. She needs to be the one asking for help if she doesn't understand. It is not the teachers responsibility or the parents, it is the childs.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:40 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

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