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How do I discipline my neighbors kid?

My daughter is six and she plays with our next door neighbor. She is a very sweet girl most of the time but once in a while she is mean to my daughter (telling her she has a big head, or that she isn't as fun as her other friends.) Also sometimes she tries to convince my daughter to do things I do not allow. Now I know you are going to say don't let her play with her at all but there is no one else. I don't know any other kids for her to play with and any time I tell my daughter she can't play with her she thinks I am mean. How do I talk to the little girl? I have tryed talking to the parents but they always say things like "She only has these types of problems with your daughter and plays fine with everyone else." Help!

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Asked by Bonnie1977 at 11:22 AM on Jul. 7, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • Talk to her. More than likely she will not want to give up her only playmate close to her too. When she calls your child a name, ask her if she would like those things to be said to her. Maybe she is raised differently than your daughter and needs to understand the rules to playing there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree! If you can not reason with her adult will you get through to a child? You can talk to her..but if her own parents don't discipline her...Will what you say really help? If she gets out of line..just send her home. If she wants to act inappropriately ..let her do it at home with her parents as an audience! Maybe they will understand what you were talking about with her attitude. If she gets sent home a couple of times..maybe she will understand cause and effect. Consequences to her behaviors.  good luck!

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 11:41 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • I'd let her know that there are rules while she is at your house. If she wants to come over to play, then she needs to obey the rules. If she doesn't, then she'll have to go home and they can play again later. She'll get the hint :)

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Well, you really aren't entitled to discipline another's child. You can explain the rules in your house and insist they be followed. When I hear other children name call in my home, I just say, "We don't name call in our house. We use nice words and we treat each other kindly." They usually don't repeat. I also instruct my children how to respond to unkind statements. She can enforce the rules in your home too and she should feel comfortable saying, "I don't like being called names. We don't do that in my house, it's against the rules." The other parents may not have heard from their daughter's other friends and/or she may actually not behave like that with other girls. That is why it is equally important to teach our child that we teach others how to treat us. A mean friend is not better than no friends. I learned that lesson as an child and a parent and have instilled that into my children.

    Answer by manna1qd at 12:13 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • The age you're working with can be such a difficult age anyway. As it was suggested in previous posts, I would just remind her every time that there are different rules at your house than at her house, and that if she wants to play she needs to follow your rules. If she doesn't, and its severe enough, you might try sending her home and telling her that she can try again tomorrow. I'm sure once she fully understands what is expected of her at your house and that she will have to go home if she does't follow the rules, her behavior will start to change.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 1:45 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • WOW. I agree with the apple and the tree. Sorry :( I think it's a good idea to be plain about what is accepted and what is not, and teaching your kids what they should say in situations.

    Answer by TXdanielly at 2:24 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Continue to let them play together & when you catch the little girl doing something that's clearly unacceptable, call her out on it. Don't yell at her, but say "Lucy, name calling is not nice. Please don't say those words anymore." If she doesn't like it, she can go home. If she continues to misbehave, send her home. If the mom calls you, tell her what happened. If the mom gets belligerent with you, tell her you would like the girls to continue playing together, but not if they can't do it nicely.

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 4:33 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • Have you tried finding a local mom group? You can find them on cafemom by going to groups the general serech and then type in your town and state. If you do find a local group try joining in playdates or making some. If you don't find one on cafemom then look up yahoo groups. If you still don't find one try making one. Or you could put your daughter in a sport or dance class in a recreation center.
    My point of all that is find other kids for your child to play with. And as for the other little girl when she dose come over all you can do is pay attention to what she is saying or doing and when she says something mean or dose something wrong send her home.
    I hope your little girl finds good friends.

    Answer by KiriandWyatt at 5:30 PM on Jul. 7, 2008

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