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DH's smoking is making me ANGRY!!! adult content

Long story short, I quit years ago when we had kids. Important to stay healthy, save money, set a good example for the kids, etc, but DH will not stop! He doesn't smoke indoors, so that's not the issue. He switched to cigars so he won't have to smoke as often but he inhales the cigars like a cigarette. EWWWW. He runs around coughing and hacking all the time and is pissing me off in a major bad way. Yes, I know he has to want to quit, blah blah, but it makes me angry that he doesn't want to quit. He's killing himself and wasting our family's money! I am trying to let it go, to be cool, but it's so far up under my skin it hurts. We fight about it this an awful lot.

This is part vent, part requesting feedback on how I can learn to not care I guess. Because I don't think he's going to stop.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Im going to answer you from a smoker POV- The more you *tell* him to quit, the more you argue about it, the less he will WANT to quit. My husband is always on me about quitting, and all it does it make me mad and defiant, because I am not a child, and do not want to be told what to do.
    Smoking is an addictive habit. Its not like he is out spending money on shoes, he buys those cigarettes because he NEEDS them. Yes, I know he doesnt really NEED them, but in his head he does. Some people, like my husband, can quit and never look back. I, on the other hand, cannot. Ive tried. I've cut down alot, but I just cant put it down. And I dont really want to, because I've smoked for so long, I no longer know how to deal with problems without smoking. Its not that he is choosing smoking over you and the kids, he really honestly probably has no control.Encourage him, but dont nag him. It will get you nowhere.
    Auntiemom410

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 9:22 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Well, when you used to smoke, would YOU just stop because someone else wanted you to?
    missy19874419

    Answer by missy19874419 at 9:06 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I don't know how to tell you to care less, I would be mad too. I see smoking as an expensive form of suicide and would not support my husband in that choice at all. Good luck to you (c:

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:07 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • maybe he will not quit for family maybe you should appeal to his vanity and to his health show him what guys who have been smoking for years look like and use the pictures of people who emphysema It worked for me I met a woman who had it and she was forty I was thirty and it made me quit. you will have to get creative.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:17 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • The thing is.. you both used to smoke. & even if you never had, when you got with him HE smoked. It didn't bother you then.. You cannot ask be mad at him for not quitting when you used to be okay with it.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:22 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • & just because he smokes doesn't mean he loves his family any less.. & it certainly doesn't mean you love your kids more just because you did quit.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:23 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • OP- It doesn't make him a bad person because he smokes. Honestly, smoking is a serious addiction, but you should thank God he isn't addicted to alcohol or meth for that matter! I don't think smoking is a big deal & he chose to go down that road in his life and you met him on that road.. Just because he kept walking that road and you decided to go down a different one, you two will still meet at the end together..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 9:53 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • if someone told me to quit it would make me not want to. I dont like being told. Maybe if the kids talk to him about it???
    Collegemommy910

    Answer by Collegemommy910 at 9:53 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • My husband and I don't sleep in the same room or have sex very often because he smokes. I won't kiss him anymore either tastes disgusting even after he brushes. He didn't smoke when we married he had quit a few years earlier. He went out with his former college roomate and had one cigarette with him and went right back to his 2 pack a day habit. I was furious he made a life choice like that. He smokes outside but our home still stinks and my sons bloodwork came back high for carcenogens as did my own it is from casual contact with my husband in the home after he smokes. I have asthma and before he started smoking only had one attack every couple months I have them 2-3 times a day. His habit is destroying my health so I kicked him out of our bedroom and bought a new bed for the master bedroom with new mattresses, pillows and bedding. Washing everything didn't help my asthma at all. My husband is mad but Oh well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Bring him to a cancer hospial and ask if he can go to a lung caner floor to see the effects smoking has on the lungs,
    He will die sooner develop diseases such as ephasema and astma does he really want hs kids to have to go throught this?
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 12:29 PM on Jan. 12, 2011