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Forgiveness. How DO you do it?

I have to forgive someone I love for something they've done. It was a collection of things that were said and done that were VERY hurtful. They keep apologizing but I was messed up in a very similar situation before and flash backs of my baggage wont let me get any peace. I know I'm not completely without fault and I know that the next step should be to forgive and move on... but that's a lot easier said then done. What's your mental process for reconciling the things you cannot change accepting things that are in the past and moving on? How do you cope with the fact that even though it's over it still hurts so badly?

 
ashleyaction

Asked by ashleyaction at 7:10 PM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,543 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Figure out what you're getting by holding on to it. Validation? Does it make you feel justified in hurting, or staying angry at that person? I have been through a very similar situation, and actually had the hurtful words written on a piece of paper. And with a letter to the person who said the evil stuff to me. I wanted him to see how very much it hurt me. But when I really thought about it, I realized that he did understand that he hurt me very deeply, and I threw it away. I gave myself freedom when I did that. You need to write it all out, and burn it up or throw it away also. It is a choice. Whoever hurt you, if it's someone you love there is a very good chance you have hurt them too. Write out a list of what you forgive them for, and on the other side, what you forgive yourself for. VERY healing. You don't have the right to hold someone elses sins against them, & you don't have to allow that treatment of yourself.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:40 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Forgiving heals the soul, I live my life dealing with the stuff I can change not the things I can't or have no control over, you have the control in this forgiving part, let it go and start fresh.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:12 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • prayer helps too. I don't know if your religous,pray for help to forgive thoughs who have hurt you and also pray for the people/person who has hurt you :)
    Hope99

    Answer by Hope99 at 7:21 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • forgiveness is a gift to yourself and yourself alone
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:18 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I'm sorry you've been hurt. Forgiveness is really something that you have to do for yourself, not for anyone else. I once heard that holding a grudge is like holding a big umbrella up while God rains down blessings on us. Forgiving is like folding up the umbrella (or better yet, throwing it away) and letting the blessings flow.
    EwansMommy

    Answer by EwansMommy at 10:46 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • YOU are the one that has to let this go, because it's going to ruin the relationship with this person, and any future relationships with anyone else. Since you have "flashbacks" of a similar situation, perhaps the first "issue" needs to be forgiven. Can't do anything with the past except learn from it. It is hard, I know from experience, but you are holding yourself back. I would look into therapy (no shame in that AT ALL!!) - discussing your feelings with someone might help more and really get deep into the reasons for you not being able to let go.
    mybratsmom

    Answer by mybratsmom at 7:43 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • i forgive anyone i just wouldn't trust them the same that's all.. but that's me..
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 8:05 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Forgiveness is hard, depending what was done.
    I do agree with all preivious posters.

    You have to remember, in the end, YOU need to forgive them "FOR YOU".

    I will admit "I have forgiven, and grabbed it back many times"'

    It is not always easy, Just because you forgive them- does not mean, you have to be thier friend. ♥♥♥♥ "GOOD LUCK ♥♥♥♥
    GuardianAngels1

    Answer by GuardianAngels1 at 8:25 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I got cut off. But if you want more help from me, pm me. Good luck mama.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:40 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • thank you, everyone. I really appreciate all of your kind words.
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 8:19 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

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