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really, you can't buy your own kids clothes?

I have 2 children who go to their dad's house 1 weekend a month. I used to send over clothes but they would ALWAYS and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME get ruined. I started sending them with only play clothes. Now by play clothes, I don't mean they looked like homeless people, they were like shirts that were a little bit faded or jeans that have some wear and tear on them or shoes with grass stains. Everything fit and nothing had holes in them or anything, they were just more worn then I would send them to school in. My ex and his wife had a fit because they said I was taking the child support and not spending it on the kids. I told him that I stared sending them in play clothes cause I like my kids to have nice clothes to wear for school and if their clothes keep getting ruined at his house, they won't have any nice clothes left. I told him that if he wants them to wear nice clothes while with him, he can buy them himself because I can't keep replacing them. His wife had a fit at the idea of him having to buy the kids clothes (I'm talking a couple oufits each, they are only there 2 days a month) and said that that is what child support is for. I said no, child support is for the things they need while with me. I had no problem sending clothes for them but they would pull crap like blueberries all over a light colored shirt, which they then let sit, or holes in the knees of the jeans but my son didn't have a scratch on his knee or anthing (not that I am upset he was unhurt but it is pretty clear someone made that hole on purpose when he was not wearing them.) It's not like they don't have the money or anything. I told him that if the play clothes aren't good enough then I am gonna send them wearing a play oufit and he needs to provide the clothes for the weekend. I feel that this is so petty to fight about but I simply can't afford to buy each of my kids 2 new oufits a month (on top of already buying them each a rather extensive wardrobe.)

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I don't think you are being unreasonable in your request

    Answer by TexGran at 8:47 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • i would just stop fighting about it and tell them to stop being so shallow and obsess over what the kids are wearing and enjoy what little time they have with them. i would also send them in the nice clothes they ruined. i would make it clear that the subject is closed. no need to worry yourself over such petty drama.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • This sounds reasonable to me.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:48 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Child support is to support the child...housing, medical, food, clothing,'s none of their business what you spend it on.

    It is their job to provide clothing while they are at his house.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:49 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • My sister is having to deal with that right now. The dad would purposefully leave the child's clothes at his house and wouldn't return them. My sister finally just started sending play clothes like you did. Sorry you are having to go through this.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:49 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • When my son visited his BF before BF took off, I sent him there in pjs because I didn't want his expensive clothes stolen (they had a son 7 weeks younger than mine) or tore up (they were kinda trashy people.)

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:50 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Thanks, I don't want to be one of those crazy moms but come on, every weekend they go, almost eveything, if not everything is ruined. I send them over wearing an oufit, one for sat and one for Sunday. They take them out on Sunday so of course, that oufit is fine (they want them to look nice out in public at least) but the other two oufits are usually ruined in some way. I am a nurse and I work an extra shift or two a month so that my kids wear nice clothes, Chidren's Place, JCPenny, Sears, and it makes me so mad when my hard earned money is wasted because someone (and I am sure it is his wife because this wasn't a problem before they were together) destroys them.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I am sorry for those who have also gone through this. Matthewscandi, it would piss me off to no end to know they took my childs clothes that I paid for to give to the other child.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:54 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Oh, I also told him he need to buy them socks because the socks come back BLACK on the bottoms, my kids swear they don't go outside without their shoes on and if that is true, I guess their floors are just that dirty

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • i agree with you...Even with my in laws watch my kids they ruin their clothes! I am like and there ok but everytime so I send them in more play clothes when his family watches them and honestly if we evcer broke up i'd do the smae to his house cause I know he would not tend to their clothes the way I do...I am able to get most stain out.

    Answer by hill2 at 8:57 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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