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3 Bumps

I need some real marriage advice....

My mother in-law is constantly treats me like garbage. For instance, she came to visit and brought her own soda. I put as much as i could fit into the fridge and the rest under the cabinet. I found out 5 months later that she was telling everyone that I was "hiding" her Diet Coke so I could keep it!!! When she found out I was pregnant, she told be point blank that she wasn't happy about it (Because her daughter miscarried 5 months earlier) And it should be her daughter who is pregnant and not me. The list goes on and on.

So here is my problem. I'm done. I'm not mean to her, but I no longer consider her a friend or anything similar. My husband is really upset about this and insists that I should forgive her because "That's the way she is."
He is telling me to put up with her, no matter what she does or says because that is the type of person she is.

This has been going on for 5 years. I forgive, and forgive and forgive. I don't have anything left!! Needless to say it has caused us a lot of stress. I am 5 months pregnant and I can't stop crying. What should I do? Should I fake forgiveness to keep my marriage sound, or should I stand my ground and refuse to be treated like crap?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Jan. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (26)
  • Your husband should stand up for you and not allow that treatment from his mother. End of story. Don't shed another tear over what she thinks of you. She's not worth it.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:23 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I would stand your ground with your DH. I would not act something that I'm not. He needs to respect your feelings. he understands them so he should accept that this is how you feel and that's that.
    I don't make concessions in my relationship with my SO in that regard.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:23 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • That's how I feel too, but when she talks to him she's sooooo sorry. She cries and tells him she didn't "mean it like that"
    My phone has never rung with an apology.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • This is when you need the MIL group I belong to. Right now it is called The Drama Llama got shot, the guilt train left without passengers and my mil is a crapburger! Just put Mother in law in search rectangle on top left corner.

    Your husband has to put you first. His mamma is not the one he is sleping with anymore.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:27 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • You could pretend she is your real mother. My mom has done that and more to my sister and I. She's my mom so I take it. It doesn't feel good but if you begin to expect the worst from her then it just becomes another check on the list of ways she has harmed you.
    mrs.coop

    Answer by mrs.coop at 9:28 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • You have to decide what it is worth to you to take this stand. Is it worth it if it alienates your husband? Is HE alienating you by not standing up for you? Can you live with the family drama that always comes from these type of things?  I'm not talking about forgiveness here..only tolerance. The way I see it is you have about 2 choices. Refuse to be anywhere she is  or continue to participate in family events. Your child will have to live with what you choose. I know it doesn't seem fair. You certainly don't need the stress while pregnant..but that's sort of the way it is. I wish you luck and peace. Remember...you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:28 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • Let me tell you five years of crap is enough tell your husband you are done and tell her until she is ready to be respecting you will be polite to her but you will not go out of your way. I have a friend who slowly started to tune her MIL out and she just left it be. Your husband is in a tough spot but you should be the one to tell her. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • I am so sorry for you, I totally understand. When I had my first child my mother in law told me that I was ruining her sons life and I was going to be a horrible mother. That was almost 14 years ago and I have to tell you we are still married and happy. Here is what I learned. I deal with her, although I don't go out of my way for her. I complain to my friends and my mom about her because complaining to my DH caused to many problems between us. It took my DH a long time to realize that she was being mean and it wasn't until she yelled at him one day that he finally realized how hard it was for me.

    I know it is hard although I think you have to ignore the things she says because if you don't you are going to drive yourself crazy and cause problems between you and your DH. Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • When she says I didn't mean it like that--- that is bull shit. My MIL used to do that crap. She would say something crazy to me, and when DH said something to her, she pretended not to know what he was talking about. I told DH to stand up to her or I would never talk to her again. Also, I started calling her out on the bullshit she did. Embarrassing her a few times made her pick her battles with me a bit more.

    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:30 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

  • You could pretend she is your real mother. My mom has done that and more to my sister and I. She's my mom so I take it. It doesn't feel good but if you begin to expect the worst from her then it just becomes another check on the list of ways she has harmed you.
    mrs.coop

    Answer by mrs.coop at 9:31 PM on Jan. 12, 2011

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