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Would you forget your morals for love?

This is the story: Girl falls in love in high school, dates boy, who falls in love too.. they are only 17 and girl's parents move and not allow her to have him (or anyone) as boyfriend. They separate.. time passes, she still thinks of him often, she marries and have a kid, gets divorce, lives a lone for a while, meets a great guy, marries again and has another child. Everything was ok.. not great, but ok. Her husband loves her (even if they have their arguments and dissagreements). One day girl reconnects with boy, her first love.. they talk and talk, he is married. They dont have children (she cant). 21 years later and girl and boy are still in love... neither wants to get a divorce, because their spouses do not deserve it, but when they finally get together the love, passion, sparks and friendship is undeniable.. what to do? should girl give in and have an affair? Keep in mind that both are very righteous about their morals... but helpless when it comes to their love.

Thank you ladies for all your responses, this is what is happening to someone really close to me, i have told her more or less the same you have written here. she insists that what she feels is real. I personally think (because i know her husband) that she is feeling lonely and unappreciated and this high school love just reminds her of who she was when she was young and vibrant. I dont think the guy in question wants to take advantage of her and he really cares for her, if not, he would have started the affair already, i know him too and he is a very good person, hence their predicament.  They dont love their spouses like they used to and it so happens they met again in a time in their lives where they are vulnerable.  They really love and care for each other (or so i see) and treat like good friends, he listens to her and she does the same.. i told her to keep him as friend, and to see how she can communicate better with her husband. You have to be with them to notice the love.. its so sad to me, because she is such a good women and now she feels she bad about all this.. hopefully she will listen and not do anything (he is the one stopping her and he controls himself too, out of respect to her and his wife) anyway.. thanks again, i might let her read all this. :)


Asked by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I would say no, although that is me. I understand being in a marriage and loving someone else because I have been there. At one rocky point in my marriage I turned to this other man and spent a lot of time with him. Somewhat similar to your situation as my EX was my first love and I will always hold a special spot for him. The thing is I thought about all that I could lose by having an affair, a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children.

    So while I loved this other man I realized the grass is not always greeen on the other side and while life might have been good with this man, my life took a different path and I need to make the best of what I had. To be honest after looking at everything I found a way to make my marriage better and the past 5 years have been the best.

    I guess you really have to make the decision for yourself. Is it worth hurting people you love if you aren't going to get divorced.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:20 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • No don't give in. Wedding vows are there for a reason. If the girl and boy loved each otherso much then they should have squared away their feelings before marrying other ppl.

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 7:19 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Their respective spouses don't deserve a divorce but they deserve to be cheated on? Really? Morality aside, it's incredibly unfair of them to have an affair. What happens if they decide they want to be together? (If they are still in love this could very well happen.) What happens if one of the spouses find out? They need to decide if they want to be together - either get divorces or not.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:32 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Nope, even if they feel something, they made their choices. If they want something, they need to communicate with their spouses the situation...even if it breaks the other person's heart. You make your choices in life and have to deal with them. I would think that if it was meant to be...fate would step in and make the transition easier. If their companions were just friends and not lovers. It sucks being left in the dark...better to know than not know. Vows of marriage. Married more than once...I don't know, but me personally...if the fire is still there, the connection is still linked...I'd question the relationship I'm in...I'd communicate the feelings and thoughts going on in my head...get the feedback from my a friend as a partner...and REALLY question where life is going. -Shrugs-

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 8:30 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Love is more about choice than it is about feelings, so I would say a definite "no."

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:14 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • No, both are in a commited relationship and should respect that.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:21 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • There is no such thing as "helpless in love". Love is about choices and they are being totally selfish and wanting to give in to their lusts. If they were really "righteous" this would not even be a consideration. Not judging anyone, but true righteousness means having self-control and self-disciplne both of which they are showing very little of. These things are fruits of the spirit which are gained by having a personal relationsip with God--not just talking the talk but actually walking the walk or in other words, living what you say. True Christianity is a life style that has to be undertaken every day.

    Answer by bamachild88 at 10:29 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • This is a tough one for me to answer. Mainly because I can not for the life of me imagine "Being in love" with someone I had not seen or spoken to in 21 years. That would be impossible for me to do. Love is action, love takes interaction, love takes giving love. Those things would not be happening with someone I had not seen in 21 years.

    I think if I were in your shoes. I would really have to take a cold hard look at my marriage and see what it was lacking. Something would have to be lacking in my marriage for me to feel that strongly about someone else just out of the blue. Once I figured out what was lacking, I would address those issues in my marriage. I would do my best to address them and rectify them with my husband. That would be first and foremost. We could either work things out or not. But leaving just because of sparks with someone else would not be a move I would make.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 11:48 AM on Jan. 13, 2011