It's a long 1, ready? My SS is out of control. We hav tried every form of disciplining there is, none of which seemed to phase my SS...until we started havn him copy sentences as punishment. He hates it! Last Nov we discovered my SS had been stealing from us and others. Hubby & I were both blown away. We decided to make the punishment harsh in hopes of teaching him a lesson. We sat down wit him, discussed why stealing is wrong, that stealing is illegal, allowed him 2 ask questions & share wit us why he stole. We asked him if there was anything else he had taken that we should b aware of & now wud b the time 2 tell us so we cud get passed this. We told him what his punishment was going 2 b...he was grounded from the playstation and television for a day & he was 2 write, "I will not take things from others." 25 times. He was 8yrs old @ this time. We also reminded him of the rule..if the behavior is repeated, he will receive the same & 5 more sentences will b added to the 25 & so on. We let him know we love him & he is a good kid & we didn't feel there wud b a next time.
We sat him @ a desk located @ the landing of our upstairs so there wud b no distractions. We explained 2 him he was not to move until he finished the last sentence unless we call him down 4 water, food, or bathroom breaks. He had written sentences b4 & we figured he would b done pretty quickly.
He refused 2 write them. Meanwhile we discover other things n his bedroom that he had stolen from my daughters and hid n his bedroom. When we questioned why...he replied, "I liked them & wanted them 4 myself." When he was leavn later that day 2 go 2 his moms house for her days (they have shared custody) we discovered he had my daughters makeup n his coat pocket. When asked why, he said, "I was goin 2 take it & giv it 2 my sis 4 a present." (his mother's daughter)
Weeks went on, him still refusing 2 write sentences and yet continuously stealing from EVERYONE. He told us that he didn't like writing sentences & that he in fact was not going 2, that we should just take his things away, tv, playstation away instead.
2 make a long story a lil shorter, the sentences piled up, he didn't care & kept stealing...his mom told him he didn't hav 2 write them & that we were abusing him by making him write sentences. She wud even come pick him up early just 2 get him out of having 2 write them. (When he stole while with her, she did not discipline him @ all)
In the end she had my hubby believing we over reacted on the stealing & that we were in fact abusing him by making him sit there until he wrote the sentences. She told my hubby and my SS that he would not b coming back over as long as we were going to punish him. He did not come back over for 8wks. My hubby finally decided to drop it all, so not only did my SS not have to write the sentences, but he didn't get any form of punishment for all the stealing and lying. Now my SS is quick to warn that he wont come back if we punish him or give him sentences. I think the only lesson he learned in all of this was when he does something wrong to just run to mommys to get off the hook. I personally feel we should have stood our ground, it is our household. Not to mention now there is resentment from my daughters toward my hubby and my SS because he did in fact get off the hook. They want to know why he doesn't get punished for things but they do. So do u feel 25 sentences were 2 much, & us adding sentences ea time too much even tho he was prewarned the consequence of future incidents? Wud u hav stood ur ground & made him follow thru wit the punishment that was given 2 him or wud u too have just let him off the hook? What wud u have done?
FYI sum of the things he stole were: a check from me to give to his mom cuz she was broke he said. $20 from my 11yr old, $5 from me, make-up from my daughters, toys from my baby and my daughters, jewelry from my daughters, while with his mom he stole christmas presents from one of her friends house they were visiting, money from his moms sis that's just to name a few things.
We even had a police officer come talk to him and that didnt phase him!
Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Answer by NannyB. at 8:11 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Maybe he has anger issues and maybe he needs to be shown what will happen to him sometimes when nothing phases them maybe he needs a mentor you should find out what he wants to be or do for a living and show him how stealing could impact this or stop it from happening. My son started at nine and is now twenty he was in so much trouble now he is straight but there are things he still has to pay for and things he still has to do for the next five years. You need to start telling him now take him to see a probation office have a probation officer speak to him explain what his life will be like if he does get caught and everything from there also take him to the sheriffs office and have them talk to him as well. GL Momma
Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:17 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
I do not feel your punishment was too harsh, but he knew if he sat it out it would go away. You are at a real disadvantage with the mom reinforcing him and not supporting consequences. Every child has a "currency" which is THE most important thing to them. We used to take that away for an appropriate length of time as punishment. It won't necessarily be a toy. My youngest used to LOVE watching the trash truck. So, occasionally we would say he would not be allowed to watch it. Now, that was when he was little but at every age there is a currency. Zero in on what really makes him tick. Be Consistent!! Don't threaten something unless you really will do it. Like saying "you will never watch TV again" is just an empty promise. to be continued
Answer by elizabr at 8:18 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Answer by tootoobusy at 8:21 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:23 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Answer by Scuba at 8:24 AM on Jan. 13, 2011
Answer by elizabr at 8:26 AM on Jan. 13, 2011