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8 Bumps

How much help should I be?

My sister came over to look at all my "baby things" And then started crying. I felt really bad. And intend on helping her out. She said her baby has VERY LITTLE. But that which I have got, I was given when my church thew me a baby shower. I have also spent months going to salvation army's and other baby consignment shops looking for the cute and hate paying full price for anything)
Mind you she has no job. But intentionally got pregnant..
Her boyfriend's parole was repealed and he is now back in jail..(DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THIS ONE..GRR)
But she is due Febuary 7th. She has had 9 months to get stuff. She was told by multiple people that they would give her some second hand baby stuff. But for what ever reasons she didn't get those things. However when I asked her what she wanted/needed she became VERY SPECIFIC..
Pampers diapers
CLOTHES OF ANY KIND...but must have name brand or be "LIKE NEW.."

She has made me feel really bad though that I have this stuff and she don't.Mind you she has never given me anything.. For my first son's babyshow 8 years ago.. or for this baby.. So now she has scheduled her own babyshower.. and sent us all invitations.. BY EMAIL. Telling us what we should bring.. ex.

Clothing - Necessities:

___ 6 - 12 Onsies
___ 6 - 9 pairs of soft, comfy pants.
___ 3 - 5 newborn gowns.
___ 6 - 12 soft pajamas .
___ 3 - 5 soft knit caps.
___ tons of baby socks and booties
___ 8 - 12 bibs
Clothing - Extras
___ 2 sweaters if the weather will be chilly.
___ 1 adorable take-home outfit.
___ Tiny mittens to prevent newborns from scratching themselves.
___ Some baby clothing in size 3 - 6 months to grow into.
Nursery - Necessities
___ Crib
___ Crib mattress
___ 2 Crib mattress pads
___ 3 - 5 Crib sheets,
___ Crib mobile (and possibly one for the changing table as well).
___ Dresser and/or changing table.
___ Changing pad.
___ 2 - 4 Changing pad covers .
___ Shelves and bins for books * and toys.
___ A clothing hamper
Baby Gear - Necessities
___ baby sling or other baby carrier
___ 4 - 6 receiving blankets
___ Infant car seat
___ Car sunshade
___ Car mirror
___ Stroller
___ Highchair
___ Baby swing and/or bouncy seat
___ Tons of burp cloths
___ Baby spoons, bowls, and plates
Bath - Necessities
___ Baby bathtub
___ 2 - 4 Hooded towels
___ A dozen or so washcloths
___ Baby soap and shampoo
___ Cotton swaps and alcohol (for umbilical stump care).
___ Bath toys
___ cloth or disposable diapers
___ Diaper pail
___ Baby wipes
___ travel wipe container
___ diaper bag
___ changing pad
___ diaper ointment
Bottle Feeding - Necessites
___ 6 - 8 Bottles
___ Newborn nipples
___ Bottle brush and drying rack
___ Bottle sterilizer
___ Formula
Safety - Necessities
___ Outlet covers (enough for your home outlets, plus a few for travel).
___ Cabinet locks
___Fireplace bumpers
___ Baby monitor
___ Safety gates
___ Oven lock
___ Toilet locks
___ Earthquake straps (if you live in a earthquake-prone area)
___ Cord winders
___ CPR / First Aid class for you and family, babysitters, etc.
___ First Aid kit
___ Spout cover for bath tub
___ Playpen
Baby Health/Care
___ Pain reliever / fever reducer as recommended by your pediatrician
___ Thermometers (rectal and ear)
___ Baby size nail clippers
___ Hair brush
___ Teething ring / toy / gel
___ Soft newborn toy
___ Eye dropper or medicine spoon
___ Bulb syringe
___ Wipe warmer
___ Diaper rash ointment or cream
___ Gas drops
___ Baby lotion
___ Saline nasal spray or drops
___ Non-latex gloves
Saving Memories
___ Camera (still and/or video)
___ Film, photo paper, and/or video cassettes
___ Scrapbook or photo album
___ Baby book and/or journal
___ Picture frames
___ Personalized Plate
___ Handprint and/or Footprint keepsake kit
___ Personalized blanket or other custom item
___ Keepsake box for keepsakes such as the hospital bracelet, first haircut curls, etc.

Also.. She has had 4 children.. all are boys.. Same as the boy she is having now.. Her oldest is 8 her youngest is 2 then comes baby...

I am admitting I want to help.. but I feel like she is partially responcible and has never been much help to me for any such things.. I am tired of feeling used. I am aware enough though that I am pregnant and hormonal.. and don't want to be a Bitch just cause I can right now.

However I am also frustrated that she has waited and now expects all of us to supply her kids needs.. When she could have saved alot of these things from previous kids.

I understand I had one other kid too but that was 8 years ago.. Yes. She and I were pregnant back then also at the same time.. if you notice we both have 8 year old


Asked by 2boys4momma at 10:13 AM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 14 (1,513 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • oh and if you do decide to go I would bring whatever i felt like or just get her a gift card as someone else suggested and call it done, and I would think with a two year old she would still have some clothes lying around from when they were little, mine are older and I'm still finding baby clothes from them lol.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 2:20 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Ok, maybe I am mean. I would bring what kind of gift I wanted to her shower. Honestly, with that list of things she wants, it doesn't look like she is taking care of anything herself!

    Answer by mommy11260 at 10:16 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Honestly I would not help her out at all. If I got an email invite to a baby shower with a shopping list I would delete it and that would be the end of it. I think it's pretty tacky that she is having her own shower in the first place. If she wants name brand items she can get a job and buy them herself.

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:17 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Yep. What both of the answers above say! Your sister is ignorant and selfish. She does not deserve to have any of your time or effort wasted on her behalf. I feel sorry for those kids. Your sister needs some help "upstairs", i.e. her thinking is very screwed up and she is making her situation worse by keeping on bringing these kids she cannot support into the world. They stand very little chance of being successful with the way she is thinking. She needs to learn to "help" herself first before she can expect anyone else to "help" her. Good luck with this one!

    Answer by bamachild88 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I'm sorry you have to deal with this...I understand that she is your sister but you are right...she had plenty of notice to get the things she needed and she sounds like she is being greedy, only wanting name brand things. I would help her with what I could but it is not your responsibility. Try not to stress about it and definitly dont go out of your way to help you because she isn't going out of her way to help herself. It sounds like she is just trying to make you feel bad or wanting attention. She has 4 other children...she knows what they need. Her list is rediculous and she is reduculous to expect her family to provide for her 5th child...I might be able to understand some of this if it had been her 1st but she knows better!

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • The baby shower wouldn't be the issue at all, I think every parent should have one. Even if gifts aren't involved. It's a celebration for the upcoming baby and the parents. With that said, the part the would bother me would be her basically demanding that people not only bring gifts, but what specific things people should bring. I wouldn't be surprised at all if nobody showed up or nobody brought exactly what she was expecting. She's clearly irrisponsible, clearly dependent on everyone else, and expecting everyone else to back her when she refuses to back herself. If you chose to go bring whatever you want to. Ignore her list and bring whatever you want to bring. If you choose not to go, which is perfectly fine, don't feel guilty. This is HER fault for not being prepared. Especially since she went out of her way to get pregnant.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:25 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • If it were me, I would get her a $20.00 gift card to Babies-R-Us and call it good. I had two children and then15 years later had twins and had to get all the baby stuff again. I didn't expect any help the first round or the second. If you get pregnant, you are responsible for getting all the gear, the baby shower and gifts from friends and family is a bonus not a given.

    Answer by pennycandy at 10:29 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I think she is very lazy, ungrateful and rude. I wouldn't give her a darn thing. You already tried to help her, and she wouldn't accept your help. If she is going to be that picky about gifts, she can get her own stuff.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 10:52 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Your sister is beyond tacky. I wouldn't go to her shower if I did would bring her a book about manners.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • expecting boyI agree that she sounds very selfish and I feel sorry for her children I would give her a gift and thats it and if she complains tell her how it is. Also CONGRADS ON THE NEW BABY.


    Answer by peace013 at 10:38 AM on Jan. 13, 2011