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5 Bumps

Cheating husband !!!!!

If my husband of 19yrs cheated and keep this going on with her for 8months, he said that he feelt so guilty and couldn't do this anymore and told me everything he said that he want's to change that is was a mistake he wants me to forgive him he is willing to go to counseling and do whatever i want to correct our marriage. I can't trust him but i want to fix it for our kids, he said that i was always giving him the cold shoulder so he thought that i didn't want to be with him. I told him that I have always loved him and that never crossed my mine that he would ever betray me I always trusted him from day one. Should I stay or divorce?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I would give it another chance. He sounds like he is truly sorry for what he's done, and your marriage could be stronger and better than it's ever been before.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:56 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • It's all about what's in your heart. If you are conflicted and you are concerned for the kids then I'd say there is probably something to at least try for. You still care about the relationship enough that you haven't dismissed the idea of trying to fix things. Let him know that's what it would be though, it's going to take work from both of you and you will likely have to go to counseling. I have been there, in my case he did it again... but if we would have been different people I think we could have recovered. I don't know, but this is a big choice. I do know what it's like to have an ex-husband and a blended family and I'd advise you to think really hard about what you want and what all of this means to you. It might be worth trying, it might not, it's all your choice.
    ashleyaction

    Answer by ashleyaction at 11:58 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • That is up to you but the fact that he is willing to go to counseling is a good sign that things can turn around for the two of you. Good luck and sorry you are going through this.

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 11:58 AM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Staying or divorcing is something that only you can decide. In making that choice, be totally honest with yourself as to why you are choosing what you choose.

    A marriage can survive infidelity. However it takes LOTS of work, lots of dedication, lots of desire on the behalf of BOTH of you.. The first step to it is reconciling, then rebuilding. If he wants a second chance, he most PROVE that he really wants it and that he deserves it. It must prove himself to you. Also, your marriage as it is as you new it is over. Period. Sorry it's done for, trust and respect are 2 of the basic foundations of a marriage, those are destroyed, therefore so is the foundation of your relationship. In order to stay together, in order to reconcile, the two of you must work together to totally/completely rebuild your marriage. You must build a new marriage. All the things that were wrong (big and small) must be honestly addressed and rectified.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:00 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Stay.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:01 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Only you can answer that for sure!!! Here is a site that can help you...
    http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp
    You are not alone... Read and post there... they can help a lot!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:01 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • You have to learn to get past it, but it is up too you if you want to stay for you not the kids.

    Staying for the children only makes matters worst, if you truely still love him, make him work hard to earn his trust back...
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:02 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • He's trying to communicate with you. He's telling you, your part in the deal. In the book Why Men Cheat, the number one reason they cheat is that their emotional needs are not being met at home. They don't feel wanted or appreciated. I'm not being mean, I'm just saying that why on earth would you even consider leaving the man when you had just a big a part of the mess as he did?. At least he stopped his bad behavior. Now that you know what was wrong (your part), work together and fix it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • You are not alone at all. He admitted this to you when he didn't have to at all. If your heart is giving you the option of staying, then stay, but always tell yourself it will be okay to leave at any time in the future that you change your mind. I stayed with my cheating husband. We've had better times since than we had in the first part of our marriage, pre-cheat I suppose you could call it. This will be a rollercoaster ride for sure. Hang in there.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:06 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Nobody can make this decision for you. You definitely need counseling whether you stay together ot not. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

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