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I’m currently taking care of my friends 2 year old daughter along with my 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son. The problem I am having is whenever my daughter and her get into an altercation my friends daughter starts hitting. Hitting on the face, kicking, head butting and running towards her stomach with her head. I don’t want to tell my daughter to hit back, but at the same time I want her to defend herself. What should I do?

I’ve put her on timeout , but it doesn’t phase her. She’ll put herself on time out.
I’ve spoken to her mom about it, but it continues.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Jan. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • AS soon as you see it happen, pull her aside. Make her look you dead in the eyes and say this. "If you had that toy and I took it, do you think it would be ok for me to come hit you?" No. (If she doesn't answer, give her some time adn then giver her the answer) "If I hit you right now would you like it?" No. "DO you want (daughter's name) to hit you back when you hit her?" No. "If there is a problem and you think you want to hit her DON"T. Come to me and we will figure it out. If you DO hit her, you will spend the rest of the day watching her play and not being able to play with anything and then we weill have a talk with your mom." You will have to go through this routine many times. And you can't be soft and gentle when you talk to her about this. You have to be the bad guy, you have to be mean and almost scary. She'll survive that part. all you are doing is talking.

    Answer by GoldenLinds at 11:08 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • That age is tough to discipline. You just have to be persistent with the time out and continuing talking to her mom about it. Ask the mom what she does at home with she does stuff like that. It will be even harder if she's doing one thing and you are doing another. Just try to get on the same page as each other.

    Answer by aheuszel at 12:35 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • This is a parenting problem, not a child problem. She is only 2, and can't see the consequences of her actions yet. Speak to her parents and defend your daughter by telling them that the 2 year old will no longer be welcome in your home if it continues. If they want to keep their free daycare then they will listen, otherwise tell them you are putting your child first and the 2 year old will just have to stay with mommy and daddy ( and maybe after she headbutts them a few times they will get the picture ) Don't encourage your baby to fight back, anger begets anger and you will have an infant war on your hands.

    Answer by Robbiesmommy83 at 12:39 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Aheuszel: Her mom also puts her on timeout, but I don’t know how persistent she is about it.

    Robbiesmommy83: She’s paying me for taking care of her. The money is helping us some extras, but I don’t know if I can tolerate her hitting my daughter anymore. She’s just really aggressive.

    Thanks ladies for the response!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:46 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • If she is in your house and you are looking after her, you need to be persistent. Next time she hits your daughter you tell her no and put her in time out a cushion by the wall is a good place for some one so young, let her it for two mins and then you get her to say sorry after the best way she can. You daughter not only needs to see you sticking up for her but also it'll be a good lesson for her to learn that violence gets you nothing ~ Dont be frightened to teach her your rules in your home.
    Good luck :)

    Answer by Reia631 at 2:01 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Reia631: Thank you for responding. I do everything you are saying with no problem letting her know the rules of the house. I told her mom I would use the same discipline I use on my children. Time outs just don’t phase her anymore. I just didn’t know if I should tell my daughter to defend herself by hitting back. Now hearing it from you ladies I know that isn’t the right thing to do. It’s just hard to see your daughter being attacked.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:20 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • GoldenLinds: Thank you!!! I will have to try that. I’ve tried the whole time out thing. Exactly like Super Nanny does (LOL!) it was turning into a joke for her. She’s 2 so it will take some time, although some 2 year olds are smarter and more capable than we think.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:35 PM on Jan. 14, 2011