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How can I handle "mean girls"? (the million dollar question)

(Friend 1)
My daughter is 10 years old. While Christmas shopping this past season my daughter and I were in the car and she was looking at her cellphone with a solemn face. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that (friend) had sent her a message telling her that a certain boy calls her a faggot all the time. I told her to message (friend) back and tell her that if she can't send anything but negative messages to her to not text her anymore. (Friend) starting back tracking, I guess realizing what she had done and was begging my daughter not to be mad at her.

A few weeks later (friend) sent another hurtful text message and also prank called my daughter. My mother (retired school teacher) was at my house and answered the next call and a boy was on (friend's) phone and told my mother "bull crap" when she told him that my daughter was not available. My daughter has not answered calls from this (friend) since this incident. My problem with this is...we go to church with (friend) and her family. (Friend) and my daughter have always played well together. It seems when (friend) is around this boy she acts out towards my daughter in hurtful ways.

(Friend 2):
Always tells my daughter that she isn't as pretty as she is. Just recently (friend 2) spent the night and we went out to eat. (Friend 2) told my daughter while eating that a certain boy shot her a bird at an event we just left from. I asked (friend 2) why she said that. (Friend 2) sunk down in her seat and lowered her head. I told her that I wasn't mad at her, but just wanted to correct her on what is appropriate to say to her friend, my daughter. I told her we shouldn't tell our friends things like that. If you do have to tell them something negative, you should follow with something positive like "I took up for you", "I told him he better not ever shoot you a bird again".

Any advice on this????

Answer Question
 
mdsmes

Asked by mdsmes at 12:41 PM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (67 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I would talk to friend1 parents you did the right thing with the second friend.
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 12:47 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • First ignore,
    2nd. then if that does not work stand up for your self and let them know your not going to put up with it.
    3rd. Talk to the parents
    4th go to the school.

    If all else fails_Kick her butt. I am sorry but my duaghter went through this and she wind up in the hospital. I don't condone violence but sometimes well at least where we use to live, you have to kick ass because that was the only way these rug rats would learn.... ;( Sad I know but we moved and been ok since then....
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:49 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I am sorry you are dealing with. My daughter had a friend "j" who did this same sort of thing. We would be driving in the car and she would say so and so told me she doesn't like you or at lunch today so and asked me why I was friends with you. I finally did confront the girl and she and my daughter don't get together outside of school anymore. I would just talk to your daughter about friendship and what it means to be a friend. I have two adult friends who don't like each other and I certainly don't tell them the other friend doesn't like them. The girls that do this are usually suffering from low selfesteem. I think they feel in order the keep their friends they have to make that friend feel bad about herself. I don't know if that makes any sense, but maybe they feel if your daughter thinks nobody else likes her she will make sure to hang on to the friends she has.
    jcm62497

    Answer by jcm62497 at 12:50 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Have yout daughter kill them ALL with kindness! Tell your daughter this....by her showing any emotion towards a personal attack on her she is fueling their ignorancy....makes them want to keep doing it because they know she is bothered by it. Now when one does this to her as much as it is hurting her she needs not show they in return see that their taunts don't affect her they WILL leave her alone. Mom this is bullying and your little one DOES NOT HAVE TO TAKE THIS, this I know it is easier said than done but she can do this and ultimately come out the victor in it all. Give her the opportunity to defend this and herself so she's not known as Mommy fights here battles. Talk with her give her this opportunity and a time frame for this to stop. If not mom then, excuse the expression your bitch needs to pop out of the box and thump some ass! Good luck.
    nwaskie

    Answer by nwaskie at 12:55 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • First off, that sucks your dd has such 'friends' At that age, they dont have the maturity to keep information to themselves, they see it as something that must be said, and dont think about how it would affect the other person. Just tell her to be nice and ignore them. I also think this is another reason among many my dd wont be having a phone at age 10, as they arnt mature enough...kids have enough crap to deal with at school, why encourage it to be brought home ?
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 12:46 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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