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How to prevent a motivated man from working himself to death?

My lovely works like a dog, and has had several setbacks (mainly legal bills, and they are still going to grow until this family court matter is behind us). He wants so desperately to be out of debt, to get the mortgage paid down, and be able to have financial security.

Our divorces were completely devastating, and unlike my ex he willingly provides support to his family- long before any court order was in place- but the combination of our living expenses, his family expenses, and the debt has him furiously working round the clock.
I worry for him, he goes days without more than 3-4 hours of sleep, and worked literally all night from home *sigh*. He is also going back to school... He is going to kill himself if he keeps this up.

How would you suggest/nudge your SO in the direction of rest, without being forceful?

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Asked by ObbyDobbie at 2:40 PM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 34 (70,074 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Wow. You sound like you have a very good man there. He's a keeper, for sure. Not sure how to get him to ease up on working, mine is the same way, and I just try to keep things as peaceful as I can on the homefront when he's home,and handle as many "little" things as I can without having to go to him for every bitty thing. Best wishes for things to improve for you all in the new year!

    Answer by cbk_mom3 at 2:43 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Wow is right. Same here and I still have not figured out how to slow my DH down yet...Just as cbk mom3 said the only thing I can do is to make the homefront as peaceful as possible....Hope things get better for him soon...Just keep supporting and loving him..

    Answer by sam223 at 2:46 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • *sigh* thanks.

    I work hard to take care of everything that I can for him, I think the only thing he does around the house is "vacuum" the yard (we have an electric mower, and it looks/sounds like a vacuum. lol), or cook supper with me (I love it when he cooks with me). Heck, I do just about everything except wipe his butt for him! lmao so that he has time to do stuff for himself, like fly his rc heli, or tinker with his computers... I just wish he would sleep, he needs it so bad. This morning he looked like the walking dead. He is going to make himself sick.

    Comment by ObbyDobbie (original poster) at 2:53 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I would sit down with him and go over all of the finances. Make a plan on what can be paid the minimum amount and what needs to be paid the most you can pay. Set a time frame that is reasonable and explain to him that by doing it this way, he can pay down debt and take care of his families without working himself to death. Good Luck!


    Answer by JeremysMom at 2:54 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • It's too bad you can't get him to sleep more. Especially since this is the cold and flu season. Not resting properly just leaves his immune system wide open to who knows what. I just hope if he does get sick, he will realize he needs that rest. My DH won't even stop when he's sick, unless it knocks him on his behind! LOL. Then, he turns into a little baby, and I get to take care of him for awhile.

    Answer by cbk_mom3 at 2:56 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I don't know that you can; at least I haven't been able to over the course of my very long marriage as it pertains to my husband. Anything additional I would do in the form of help, well, he would use that to do more work rather than to sleep, relax, chill, whatever. I understood my husband's motivating factors and while I did not agree completely with them, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. He would joke that he'd "sleep when he's dead" but that thought is just too real for me because I am convinced that he will work himself into an early grave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • He has already gotten sick twice this season- and not a case of the sniffles either.

    He has a 2 year plan, which became a 3 year plan with all of the additional debt which was unforeseeable, and continues to grow. Hopefully he will be able to lay it to rest in the next couple of months, though that may result in our household growing by 2 more if custody is adjusted (gods, I hope so!).
    When he was 18 he got his first credit card, and has impeccable credit- needless to say, the man handles finances well, and readdressing the budget or timeline is not the issue. He works for they will literally work you to death if you let them. *sigh*

    Comment by ObbyDobbie (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • You have a very good man. My dh is or should I say was like this too. He had a visiona about our financial situation and stuck to that vision until he reached his goal. Once there, he kept working and working and working until I was fed up...I had no other choice but to book a flight to Vegas so he could have fun and relax...Let me tell you the whole way there he couldn't sit still but after we were off the plane and in our room, he had no other choice but to relax...that was five years ago and we now vacation together two times a year and vacation with the kids two times a year. Sundays are his rest days and believe me, he rests now...I'm glad I didn't have to wait until he hurt himself and I'm glad I booked that flight...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:00 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

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