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3 Bumps

I would like to hear from other moms who have gone through this..... adult content

I found out a few months ago that my husband cheated and since have decided to work it out because i still love him. We are going to therapy and it helps but i still find myself thinking about it and asking myself all these questions like why,how could he,when did it happen,where did it happen,what exacly went on. I'm feeling insecure and i have never felt that way before i mean i'm not the hottest chick out there but i've always been happy with me and now i'm not so sure. You know what it's like? It's like someone died and i never got to properly greive! Because i can't go crazy bitch on his ass cause of my kids. If we're gonna stay together i don't want my kids to know and so the only time we can really discuss it is when there at school and he's at work.
I think i'm going crazy!


Please don't judge me...

Answer Question
 
klhoe

Asked by klhoe at 4:04 PM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,163 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Send the kids off to the grandparents for a weekend and get the fight over with. If you need to get it out there and yell and scream and ask why do it. Let the kids go have a night with family or friends and just get it out there and over with. If you are going to stay with him you need to let it all out instead of holding it in and letting it fester.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 4:07 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • You deserve answers, ask them in therapy, say it's part of you healing
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Find a baby sitter and go talk to him about it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:08 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I went through this and just couldnt handle it. I couldnt handle the idea I couldnt trust him and that I would never really know for sure what happened or why. We tried marriage counseling but there were always things there like him not undestanding why I didnt just get over it when he said he was sorry. I ended up just throwing him out. I deserved better then to live with someone who I felt I could never trust again.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:09 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • you really need to ask the question's . i think it would be best at your sesion so your therapist can help you both understand the questions and the answers. than have the rest of the night or day to spend time together. it can be done if your marriage means that much to you go for it.
    osidemom11

    Answer by osidemom11 at 4:11 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Ok I don't have any personal experience but, IMO HE cheated and you have the right to have the answers to those questions! Will he not tell you or have you not asked?

    momofone072506

    Answer by momofone072506 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • @ momofone- I have asked why and he says he doesn't now why and that he's sorry and regrets it everyday.What am i susposed to do with that?
    @osidmom11- I think i will do that we have a session tomorrow.
    Thanks for the feedback ladies.
    klhoe

    Comment by klhoe (original poster) at 4:20 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • First let me say. I am extremely sorry you are going through this.. The pain of infidelity is not something I would wish on my worst enemy or the biggest asshole in the world.

    My husband had a 1 night stand 16 years ago.. It took YEARS to recover and rebuild our marriage. If your are going to therapy, I'm sure your therapist has already told the 2 of you that rebuilding a marriage after infidelity takes years of work. It can not, does not happen overnight.

    Here's what I can share with you about your thoughts and questions. First, be careful what questions you really want answers to. Once you know that answer there is no forgetting it. And honestly somethings there is no point in knowing, knowing can do more harm than good. When you have a question (which he should be answering all questions honestly) make sure that you really want to know the answer and knowing it will benefit recovery and rebuilding your marriage.
    Cont.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:22 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Accept now that there are some questions you will never get an answer to. And some that you will never be satisfied with the answer, and other's that will do nothing but bring up more questions.. Here's a harsh reality. Whatever happened between him and her, happened between them, you were not there, you had no say in what was going on, no involvement what so ever. Therefore, there will always be pieces of the puzzle missing. Just the nature of the beast.

    As time goes on. You will find that you think about him/her and the dirty details, and the "why's" less and less. IF recovery/rebuilding are going well. Once you reach that stage (which is going to be awhile yet for you..this is all still real fresh) you can stop yourself and ask "Why am I thinking about this" and honestly answer yourself you'll find that your reasons for thinking about it aren't really pertinent and you really do not need to sit and stew about it any more.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:26 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • If he hasn't already given an honest answer as to why he cheated, he may never give the answer or he will when the time is right for him...but here you are, feeling insecure and having all types of doubt flood your mind about yourself...its natural and the best thing to do is to feel good about yourself FIRST...and then take on the marriage thing one step at a time...I know it hurts and I know that it will take a long time for you to get through this...Counseling is an option but not with any counselor. Find a counselor that can really help you with this and can give the two of you the tools to build back the marriage
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:27 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

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