Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

What gives her the right???

I can't stand my son's step mom!!! She has only been married to my ex for 6 months and before they got married, she only met in twice, he wasn't even invited to the wedding cause she didn't want chilren there. My son is with his dad 1 day a month ( he picks him up after work on friday at around 7 PM and drops him off on Sat at about 4 pm (they don't want him sat night because they want to go out) so it's a total of 21 hours a month and he is 5 so about half that time he is sleeping. Well my son came home telling me that Jen, his sm, told him that he needs to call her mom because she is just as much of a mom as me!!! She told him that God gave him to me but decided that I needed help being a mommy so He gave him Jen!!!! What??? Now, I tell him that she is an adult so he should call her Miss Jen out of respect and not call her just Jen (well she's kinda an adult, she's 19 and apparently still puts stuffed animals on her bed, yes the bed she shares with her husband, but of course, I don't say this part to my son lol) Then I saw on her facebook, she has a folder of pics with my son labled," my little boy". In it, she has a quote that says something like "you didn't grow inside my belly, you grew in my heart". UMMMM NO, he grew in my belly and when he was growing in my belly, you were in Jr. High, I have heard people use that quote about adopted kids but about step kids, that's kinda weird IMO. It has gotten to the point that my son doesn't want to go to his dad's house because of the sm. I have talked to his dad about it and he said that it is just because it is hard for her that he has a child with someone else. I said, "didn't she know about him before you got married?" I even called and talk to her about it and she said it is none of my concern what goes on in her house. I told her that my son didn't want to go to his dad's house (which he used to love doing) because of the way she acts. She also says things in front of my son like "it would be nice to take a long vacation this year but we can't afford it because we have to pay child support for someone." My son told me this more then once and I believe it cause where else is a 5 year old gonna get that? My ex is an RN, I get child support based on what he makes, not what they make (not that it would change what I get very much, she works part time at a clothing store in the mall) together so HE is paying child support, not both of them. I am trying not to say nasty things about her in front of my son (no matter how true the things may be) but this is so hard. My husband of 2 years is thinking about talking to my ex as well but we don't know what good it will do as he didn't even listen to me. I just don't know what to do anymore, she is driving me crazy.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Jan. 13, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (28)
  • You need to talk with your exhusband and his wife together. I would lay it on the line that A. your son is not comfortable with being to told to call his step mother "mom". 2. that your son is not comfortable with his step mother saying things like "we cant go on vacation because of child support 3. this is becoming a problem and you need to know right now how your exhusband is going to handle this problem. Put it in his hands in front of his wife so there is no secrets, no "he said she said". If you want your current husband there then include him but in all honesty he has no more rights then your sons step mother to say anything concerning your son.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 8:02 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Sounds like she is acting like a child....o wait, she IS..LOL....i feel bad for you and your son, kids are always stuck in the middle....Good luck!!!
    JazzyJes

    Answer by JazzyJes at 8:03 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I'm not sure that is a hard situation to be in especially because ur son is old enough to start understanding these things I honestly think maybe sitting down with ur hubby and ex together talking then having ur son come in and also express how he feels in the situation and how she and his father make him feel.... I am not to sure but please keep me informed hope lil girl grows up soon and realizes what she says doesn't just effect her it effects those around her!

    lovemynutterbut

    Answer by lovemynutterbut at 8:03 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • wow! She sounds like she should not be in a realtionship with a man with children or in a relationship at all! I would talk with the EX, as far as facebook, report the photos! I had someone post pics of my children (with out permission) and I had them deleted. I hope you are able to talk with the ex and everything works out for you and your son. this must be so confusing for him also. I am sorry you both have to go thry this!
    JOR_HAIL

    Answer by JOR_HAIL at 8:07 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • That is a good sugestion, my ex prob won't say "she is just having a hard time that we have a child together in front of her. The only reason I think it is apropriate for my husband to be there or talk to him about it is his is the one helping take care of my son all but 1 day a month AND as I am a SAHM, his income is used in determining child suport, which means HE is supporting him more then my son's father is. Plus being that fact he has been in my son's life as long as my son can remember (almost 3 years married, 4 1/2 years together) I can understand that he is wanting to protect this child and make sure his is comfortable with what is going on. My son calls both men dad, however that was his choice, for the record if he wanted to call his sm "mom" I would let that be his choice.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:08 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • Oh Momma laugh at her she is but a mere child and I would tell her you are Jen because when you were in junior high I was married to him and another thing tell your ex she needs to watch what she says in front of your son. She sounds silly on so many levels keep doing what your doing and think when she makes the vacation remark didn't you just have it last year when you were in school? Let her go someone like her has no idea.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:09 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • I wanna say about the quote..I have two step kids..and I use that statement plently of times..because thats how it is. There mother isnt around very much..she tries to say that she is but w/e..Anyways. If Your Ex won't handle how she is then your son doesnt need to go there. Its hard when ur the kid is old enough to start understanding that thtings aren't quite right and shes kinda tryin to manipulate ur son.

    You and ur Ex Husband need to sit down or talk on the phone and discuss this situation. Up front..WITHOUT the interference of Your Husband or His Wife. This is about YALLS SON..and thats it . He needs to tell his wife that Your son has ONE mother and unless Your Son decides to call her mom..she CANNOT force him to..and She needs not mention ADULT things to Children (IE the Child Support thing).

    Good luck..step parenting isnt easy..and yes..we do kinda get jealous and say things..been there..
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 8:10 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • ok, i totally see your point about a lot of this, i really do. one thing i didn't agree with is about him paying cs and not her (they are married and that money does come from her too bc it's income that she would normally share in) that is coming from a mom who receives cs. however, i do have to calm you by saying that i really don't see this relationship working out at all bc she it seems like she's really jealous of you and your son. she needs to get over her problems bc there only one thing she do: come to terms with the agreement one way or another. and i hope you never brought up the folder on fb bc that would really ice her cake. she would love to get to you which is why she says stuff like "none of your business what happens in my house" bc you know it's totally your business when your son is there. i would remind my son that it's only for a little bit and he doesn't have to call her that if he doesn't want to.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:13 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • but i had more right because I was raising the Her Children with my Fiance while she screwed off 2 hrs away and tried to play mommy when she felt like it. My Step Kids do call me mom once in a while..mainly her daughter who is so damn confused cuz shes only 3..but yea..and by the way I was 19 years old when we started dating..and we've together a year now..with a son of our own..

    talk to ur ex about how ur feeling and if it doesnt change then dont let him go see his dad overnight or at the house..
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 8:16 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

  • angevie53, I say about the child support because it's not not the child support is off of what both of them make (even though when I got married, I got way less child support because my husband makes a lot more then me ex). The other thing is, she works part time, doesn't go to school, doesn't have children, if she wants a nice vacation, maybe she should work more instead of complaining about child support. SweetPoison, I can see using thing quote about a step child when you are a step parent who is raising the child, like my husband but someone who sees the child 1 day a month (she has seen my son a total of 8 times) it is just inapropriate
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:25 PM on Jan. 13, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.