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Cheating or losing interest?

My bf/fiance doesn't kiss on me, touch me, or talk to me like he used to when we first got together. We have known each other since we were toddlers, we have been dating since feb.07 and ever since i had our son, who is 5mons, he doesn't seem to want sex anymore, he is more hateful torwards me, and says awful things to me. Like one time I had our son standing on my lap and he said to him "better watch out, you'll fall in." and it made me cry, and he yelled at me for crying. I don't know what is wrong! Its not like I got fat or anything, I gained 20 lbs thats all. So whats wrong with him?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Sometimes new dads feel trapped and can't emotionally deal with what's going on with himself so he takes things out on someone else (you). It will take some time for all the new responsibilities and expectations to sink in. He needs to get a grip and figure it out and quit picking on you. He will continue to say hurtful things if you let him see it hurts you. If you can, let the words roll off your back and tell him to get over himself. He needs to deal with his problems and not take it out on you. There is a book called The Four Agreements. The first agreement (with yourself) is to Not Take Things Personally. Don't take his words personally. I know it's hard but he is projecting his disgust with himself on to you with his unkind words. It's what a lot of ppl do to be mean. Don't let him have that kind of power over you. Tell him to grow balls and deal with his issues without attacking you with mean words.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:02 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Has he discovered that he doesn't want the responsibility of a child? Perhaps you should be thinking of becoming independent, if you aren't yet- a job, money in the bank... like that. I hope things work out for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • You sound very soft hearted. Maybe you need to develope an attitude toward HIM. I also agree with the pp. Have a job, get money saved, and when you get the courage to get the attitude, you'll be ready to leave if things get really nasty. There's no excuse for the way he's treating you. Don't take it.
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 8:44 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Point that out to him - you need to talk. Do not let him become abusive. I went through the same thing and I did become very sensitive during and after my pregnancy so it was worse. He was wonderful while we were bf/gf but after the baby, he obviously did not want the responsibility of a family and acted up just like yours. I prayed every night that he would find a job in a different state and leave us and thanks goodness he did.
    Avon_Calling

    Answer by Avon_Calling at 9:38 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • I also agree that he may not be ready for the responsibility of a child. Cheating? Maybe - if he is treating you badly, and he didnt before, it may be a sign. Good luck hon!
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 9:40 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Not necessarily cheating or losing interest, more like jealous. men are like babies they want all the attentiona dn when kids come along your focus is on them and their needs and the man feels like hes not getting enough attention. dont let him step on you or be mean tell him to grow up you already have one baby to take care of. good luck
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 9:50 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • Try not to jump to the conclusion that he is cheating on you. That is such a hurtful situation when it happens and there is no need for you to start feeling that way when you have no evidence that he has been unfaithful. It sounds like you have a communication problem. He obviously doesn't know how sensitive and vulnerable a woman can be after having a baby. He also doesn't seem like he his adjusting to parenthood very well. He may need to express some fears/frustrations with you and you need to express your insecurities and worries to him. You both need to do this in a safe non-judgmental setting. If you can get him talking, try not to feel hurt by his feelings. Just by opening up he is expressing a desire to stay with you. If he doesn't open up it doesn't necessarily mean that he is not interested, but maybe he doesn't know how or is afraid. Be patient and understanding and hope that he reciprocates.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:57 PM on Nov. 12, 2008

  • my DD is also 5 months & ive deffinitly noticed a shift in how my DH acts towards me. he's always telling me im over reacting, he listens but doesnt hear, & when he says hurtful things he doesnt understand why they hurt. ive decided its just his way of adjusting to the baby. i would take a step back from the cheating thoughts & realize that alotta guys dont know how to deal with emotions. ive started ignoring him when he gets to the hurtful point & its helping! he's started to realize im not going to listen to him when hes being a jerk. i hope your guy & mine learn how to deal w/ their feelings...soon!
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 1:05 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

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