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6 Bumps

Husband had affairs with coworkers, should I tell to ruin their careers?

My husband told me he has just ended affairs with 2 of his co-workers. He told me because he says he wants be in our marriage 100% and needed to be honest. Things had been distant between us for 2 years (altho we were still having sex and spending time together, but we didn't really connect much) so although I wasn't all that surprised why it happened I am so angry that he crossed the line.
We are at counseling and I am going through so much (now feel insecure, not confident, angry, betrayed) and we hope to stay together, but I'm not sure if I can get past that. I want to let the secret out so the other women's careers will be ruined. I want them to hurt the same way I am by feeling they are losing everything. My husband's reputation will also take a hit (and mine too I guess if we do stay together - ppl judge - and then also my kids might find out one day), but i wondering if it is a good form of revenge...
They knew he was married, they'd met me many times so I feel betrayed by them too.One is single, and the other one is also married and I was friendly with (tho we were never friends).They have since found out about each other and they are angry and confused too (which is kind of funny, as they have no right). What do you think I should do?

 
Catwoman246

Asked by Catwoman246 at 10:59 AM on Jan. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (34 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (39)
  • My husband did those and he and he alone is responsible for making that choice.. She did not make my husband cheat any more than I could make him stay faithful. I can't make my husband do a damn thing he does not want to, therefore another woman wouldn't be able to do so either. My husband is not a weak willed man that does whatever someone tells him to, or can be pushed or persuaded to do something that he does not want to do. Period.. He did what he did because HE WANTED TO.. Period. Knowing and fully accepting that the cheating happened only because my husband made the choice to cheat.. I could not very well hold another person responsible for his choices.

    Raising my son. If he did something wrong, and then said "Well mom, so and so just kept pestering me to do it, telling me how great it would be..So I did it"..Would I take that excuse from him? If not why would I take such an excuse from my husband about cheating.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:23 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • This is between your husband and you. Leave it there. Going after those women won't make you feel any better and it will just make you look bad.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 11:01 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • You think it will make you feel better because you are understandably searching for something to make you feel better in this awful situation, but the bottom line is that it won't make you feel better. I promise. Work this through with your husband if that is what you choose, and leave it there. GL.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:04 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • I understand your natural emotion to want revenge but it's not worth it. if you trully want to work things out airing your "dirty laundry" will only make that possibility harder. Good luck.
    hotrodlassie

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 11:04 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • i wouldnt focus any energy on them. I can see how you would want to get back at them but its not worth it, Just focus on your marriage. Your husband stepped out and he is the one committed to you. He is the one you should be angry at.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:03 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • I think you are just MAD and hurt right now. Take some time with counseling and seeing if you can make this work since that is the choice you decided to do. telling and hurting others, although they hurt you, won't make things "better" -it would be a short lived gratification for you I think. Good luck and I am sorry you are going through this.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:03 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • i would take a break from my husband and to the one who married ill mention it to her husband and ask him how he taking it or just sit back and wait because karma is waiting and she always play her part it just may not be fast enuff for u but its coming
    kai302

    Answer by kai302 at 11:06 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • Taking it out on the women is directing your anger at the wrong people. While my opinion of them is very low they had no loyalty or vows with you.

    Your husband is the one that cheated on you and broke your vows.

    Not to be snarky but I would also go and get myself tested for STDs.
    Charis76

    Answer by Charis76 at 11:09 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • You're trying to put your marriage back together, not destroy other lives.
    Listen, HE is the one who cheated on you. Sure, it takes a pretty skag-nasty woman to take part in that affair, but it is HIS fault.
    I know you are very, very, very hurt right now, but you need to try to focus all of that energy on making positive changes in your life, not negative changes in the lives of others.
    Besides, I firmly believe in a little thing called Karma. They'll get theirs.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 11:08 AM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • And I don't blame you for being mad at them too. The blame is equal here, doesn't matter if they aren't the the ones who owed you loyalty or fidelity. Only a nasty piece of trash will smile to someone's face then sleep with their spouse. It's unbelievably disgusting. But like I said, let karma deal with them.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:13 AM on Jan. 14, 2011