Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

If you have someone in your life that is always degrading you,

how do you not defend yourself and engage them? My ex-husband is an impossible person. He doesn't see the world or situations the way "normal" people would. I left because of his emotional and verbal abuse. I have learned to deal with it, for the most part, and realize it's not me, it's him. His words are not true, etc.

Well, for 2 weeks now, I've been dealing with his ranting texts and emails. If I don't engage him in one argument, he'll make up another one. It's regarding our children, and their school, and he's been rude and nasty, and it hasn't bothered me. Until today. For some reason, his one line email today telling me to quit being stupid really bothered me. I really feel the need to defend myself and stand up for myself, but logically, I know it's pointless. He just wants to argue and he just wants to make himself feel validated and like a better person. I know this, so why am I so bothered by his nasty comments?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Jan. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Ish. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, hopefully your children aren't being treated the same thing. its true, it will be pointless but I can totally see why you would want to battle him... sorry

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:54 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • If you can't read his e-mails without being upset by them, then just stop opening them. If there's anything that you need to know, you will learn it from someone else. I would even go so far as to tell him to stop sending them, because I would no longer be reading them. His opinions are his, but they are not worth your time to defend yourself. It's pointless anyway, so why waste your time?

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:57 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • You are bothered by these things because you are a human being that feels. It would take someone like him to not be bothered by those hurtful things. Give me his cell phone number I'll engage him for you! I'm feeling rather combative today and I won't let him get one leg up on me! lol

    Seriously though, I would contact a legal professional and get some guidance, because this is harassment and illegal. If he can't be civil then anything he has to say to you needs to be relayed through a lawyer so you don't have to deal with him.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 1:57 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • I'm sorry but what an a$$! good for you for leaving him and that's probably why he continues trying to get under your skin. some people just love the drama and get a kick out of making others feel less important. i think you shouldn't waste your time or energy on this creep. i know you have to deal with him cause you have kids together but you left him for a reason and don't let him continue making you feel this way. especially cause you aren't with him anymore. maybe you should have a guy friend take care of him for you lol jk. keep your head up chica! maybe not engaging will show him you just don't care what he has to say anymore and hopefully he will stop.


    Answer by Christieluv0614 at 2:00 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • write something back to leave him dumbfounded
    sometimes when you are polite and cheerful, the other person realizes there isn't much they can do to you to bring you down. If it doesn't work the first time try it again and again. Soon he might just get it and leave you the heck alone

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 2:39 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.