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Hi: Does anyone out there have a spouse with diagnosed adult ADD/ADHD...I think my husband has it but he does not believe me. He has had multiple job losses and other signs.

My husband is almost 50, very smart, went to a very good college but has multiple job losses, either through lay offs in tech support or through many firings. He gets confused by details & his desk is also disorganized. He is in tech support, not a good job for ADD. He had been taking Prozac for many years for OCD but I also think he has undiagnosed adult ADD/ADHD. He gets his meds from a MD; I feel like discussing his issues with her but never had the nerve to. He was out of work for 9 months last year, started working at a new company 2 months ago, but he is now having issues with stress, managing his case load, etc. He loses his focus at this job, he says. Also, he used to surf the internet a lot at previous jobs but not at this current job. In fact, 3 managers from 2 previous companies he had worked for told him he surfed too much. I don't know if he's both lazy and also has ADD. He denies he might have ADD but does admit to being lazy. His attitude is breaking up our marriage; he won't go to counseling, either. His job losses are sending me over the end; I would divorce him if we did not have our 9 year old son, who be both love. We have one child; I have always worked full-time until 2 weeks ago, when I got laid off. I am looking for another job now & have severance for another 6 weeks. Not sure what will happen with his current job, if he gets fired from that one, too. I try to support him at his jobs but want to kick his ass, frankly. We might both be on unemployment soon. Anyone else with a similiar situation. Thanks very much for letting me vent. What a great support CafeMom is!

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Jan. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I am actually the one in our marriage with ADHD although my husband has a mild case of it also.. I think there is very much some lazy mixed in there but I understand how the lack of organization and focus would be hard for many jobs to handle,. and YOU of course. I too tend to surf because I can't concentrate or focus and can't take the meds because it affects other areas.. I am sorry he's so unwilling to change his ways and really, my father was much like this and it sounds like he is not very responsible.. I have had my job for 14 years without meds and clinically diagnosed with ADHD and I am only 32. he needs to understand if you both don't have a Job/Money coming in, you won't have a house for your CHILD, and that needs to come first.. his "surfing" can be a way to calm his nerves but... with adhd you have to write things down, CONSTANTLY be on top of things at work and never get too preoccupied ..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • Is he having any other symptoms? One thing that struck a cord with me was you said about him getting confused. My dh was all of a sudden getting confused and forgetful. He couldn't focus, we went to counseling because I was at my wits end with him. I thought he was was either just not listening to me which is why he couldn't remember things we had talked about and that he couldn't focus because he wasn't interested in what I was saying. He never finished anything he started either projects and things like that and then he would be on to something else. The counselor asked him if he thought he might be ADD/ADHD and he didn't think so but I started to think, yeah he has add. He ended up finding out he has MS. So that explained alot of the issues. Is you dh having other things happening like dizziness, tripping etc.

    Answer by sue118 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • I'm trying to learn about occupational ADD/ADHD and learning disability survival. I currently work in default aversion and I know that much of life cannot be predicted. So I'm trying to create support for people of all circumstances.

    I'm looking up links to what job environments and descriptions are best for ADD/ADHD. So far what I have is:
    ADD and Work, Strategies for Success in the Workplace
    What are the Best Jobs for Adult ADHD?

    There are plenty more, but they're not very in depth. Please keep me in touch of what goes on. I would love to learn. Your input will help many others just like you (and your husband)

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 4:20 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

  • No but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I had it. I wan to get kicked out for it.
    The thing with men is they refuse to admit when something is wrong. I have never met a man willing to go see a doctor.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:23 PM on Jan. 14, 2011

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