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3 Bumps

How can I descipline a 12 yr. tween boy who has ADHD?

I have a 12 yr. old son (the sweetest boy in the world) who as of late has been quite defiant and mouthy with me. I started off very positive with him, then dwindled down to raising my voice and threatening with taking away "everything". Well, that "everything" has finally come to pass and I have nothing else under my belt to take away! I quit my full time job so that I can dedicate my full attention to both my children.

What I don't understand is that he doesn't hang out with bad kids! My husband and I made sure that our son is kept busy at all time...home work, school band, honor band, syphonic band, and baseball. On weekends he has baseball games, sleep overs or some type of family outing. Enough to keep his entire week full. He is on concerta, and has bee on this medication for a little over 6 months now and vitamins as well. Concerta works fine but only lasts for 8 hours.

I am in tears practically every night before I go to sleep because it hurts me to have to yell at him. Sometimes I have to give him a silent treatment, to get my point accross when yelling is not working. I have tried the reward system, lasted for about 3 months. Then I started getting stern with him....lasted for about 4 weeks. Now we are down to just plain yelling! My husband left for deployment and left us here in Hawaii, which feels like a foreign country for us...but we make do of our surroundings. I'm am running dry of ideas here. Any suggestions?!

Answer Question
 
micaelajhall82

Asked by micaelajhall82 at 12:50 AM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • It sounds like he could be acting out. Children deal with things in different ways. I would take things from him like any video games, cell phones ...etc. Things like that you must earn and if he is being disobiedent then he doesn't deserve to have them.
    1911

    Answer by 1911 at 11:14 AM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • How long have you guys been in Hawaii? How long has Dh been gone? When was his last deployment? Does Ds have much down time to just relax between all his activities?

    It sounds like he's having trouble with DH's deployment (IMO) and doesn't know how to deal with it. He's probably mad at his Dad but because Dad is away (and in danger) it's not "ok" to be mad at him (in his mind ~ this is really common for kids) so he takes out that anger and attitude on you. Plus, he's 12 and going through puberty and his Dad isn't there.

    I would try talking to him about what is going on and come up with something to help him with Dad's deployment. I would then at another time (when no one is in trouble/mad) about why we don't treat our family/people we love/anyone that way and come up with better solutions together. Ask lots of questions and turn it back on him often.
    (out of characters... example to follow)
    terpmama

    Answer by terpmama at 11:17 AM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • For example:
    Mom: It seems that when you are upset you get grouchy. Do you think that's fair to us? What's a better way to help yourself feel better?
    Kid: I don't know.
    Mom: What are some things you like that make you happy?
    Kid: I don't know.
    Mom: What about writing about it? (No) Drawing? (No) Talking to someone? (NO) Dancing a little ditty? (try some that seem silly too ~ it'll help break the tension and might get a laugh out of him)...
    terpmama

    Answer by terpmama at 11:22 AM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Thank you everyone! I will definitely take your suggestions...crossing fingers!
    micaelajhall82

    Comment by micaelajhall82 (original poster) at 5:28 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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