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3 Bumps

seperated or divorced moms - when did you know it was time to end it

I am at the end of my rope with my husband.. it is not a situation of abuse... he is just so damn selfish - we have talked about it - i dont think he is even trying to improve... i keep going back to the thought of how much my son will lose in this - they get along/yes he is bio dad... i couldnt (neither could dh) afford our house so ds would have to move, lose the best friend who lives as our neighbor... all he has known... i only see dh on thurs, fri (after work) sat (all day - this is my worst day of the week always... ) and sunday nights... so really most the time i do not have to deal with dh... i just dont know what to do. no he will not go to couples therapy because he wont listen to anyone or hear how his is wrong. i also cannot stand that ds is growing up watching me bide my time in a relationship that doesnt make me happy... because i dont want him to only see his dad on every other weekend and i absolutely could not share custody half and half... see i have obviously thought way too often on the subject. and Yes i DID know he was selfish when i married him but did the dumbass thing of believing that someday (like when he became a dad, when he was a profesional ) he would mature and stop being self centered. i have to take the blame there. i married him anyways because i loved him and thought i could change him (HA!) or more likely time would change him... what do you think i should do?? and ultimatums do not work with him = he takes it as a challenge to call your bluff.

Answer Question
 
AmaliaD

Asked by AmaliaD at 12:47 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (12,263 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • We we about 19 when we got married. I knew it was time when the emails said so. He had come back from Afghan and was distant, he was attached to his email all of a sudden. Anyone we were getting ready to take our daughter to the park and he hoped in the shower and asked me to shut down the computer. He was still signed into an email so I read it. He'd met someone new, was telling her that he was unhappy with me and all this other shit. Needless to say I printed every email between the two of them mailed them and divorce papers to him once he got his ass back to afghan! How's that for moral support?
    prissysayshi

    Answer by prissysayshi at 12:53 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • that sucks... i almost something ... hate to say it ... but definitive would happen... sucks to live with someone that you dont like but dont have a real good big reason ... like yours sayshi.... it seems like someday it will happen - i will leave him but i dont know if it is better to do it now - ds is 5 (we bought the damn house for the school system that he will be able to walk to - it is that close and the safeness... and to blow that right b4 he starts K seems dumb, like a waste of money) or wait... my parents divorced when i was older and i really didnt care - i knew they were unhappy and i had already moved to college so it did not effect my daily life, i was almost happy for them/ vs those stories of kids who see their status of life deminish because parents cannot provide after a divorce the same way.... i really dont know...
    AmaliaD

    Comment by AmaliaD (original poster) at 12:58 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • God i know what you are going through and it SUCKS! I think what you have to do in this situation is ask yourself, "Is this what i want my child to see as a happy marriage? i come from a divorced family and trust me my parents did the BEST thing seperating. Parents misery does rub off on the child and then they will not be happy. And its not just about your child its about you too! you deserve to be happy and if you told him hes DOES NOT make you happy and he is not willing to change or he thinks you are bluffing when you say you will leave or he will leave or divorce threats, then maybe you DO need to shake him up a bit. Go stay with a friend or family for a few nights let him think about what he has to lose. Kick him out for a few nights! If you really dont see any solution to this then YES it is time to get the ball rolling your happiness and your childs happiness and futrure depend on this. Good luck and keep in touch!
    simonsmama2022

    Answer by simonsmama2022 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • after six years with my first hubby, now my ex, he was just never home and when he was he ate and just wanted his clean clothes. he didnt want me to work, have a job with my own money, he didnt want me to get an education and he wanted his mother to always be a part of the kids lives to the point where she was brought over by him to teach me how to be a mom..... we had fights all the time so ..... i knew after six years of putting up with that ! plus near the end he told me he didnt want me to go to his family reunion
    mistik75

    Answer by mistik75 at 1:05 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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