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5 Bumps

im so hurt, i just caught my husband... =( adult content

i know to most it isnt a big deal, well it is to me and he knows that. hes been looking at pon, from the whole time i was pregnant with my last baby, shes 1. until now, i just caught him. one of the main probs is his lies, he wil promise and sware on everything he hasnt done anything like that at all, untili get proof myself then he fesses up. it hurts cause i thought we were good, yet hes turning to porn? i try to please him, we both gained alot of wight since highschool, but im still 100% attracted to him, hes my hubby, my everything. i feel so stupid for beleiveing him. oh andget this he admitted to be he actually got a hard on watching these women screw sex machines and dildos, his response is " i dnt wnna see men!" then tries to claim he dnt like the girls, only me. yea right. he said he loves the sounds. wtf.i know it could be alot worse, but its hurting me bad, i need help moving past this. you just have to know myhusband to understand, you wouldnt expect this from him. ooooh and get this, i offered to watch porn with him on many occasions,just so he wouldnt go behind my back, but he does anyway? anyone understand my hurt? please help me try to get over this, i love this man with all my heart!!!! =(

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youngandafraid

Asked by youngandafraid at 1:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (102 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Sorry mama. He needs to be respectful of you & if he knew that you were not ok with it & didn't want something like this in your marriage"which I'm sure he was very aware of" he should of cared enough about your feelings to not do this to you. Im sure other women are going to tell you not to worry about it & men will be men so get over it but that is just wrong of them. This is your marriage & not theirs.

    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 1:58 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I wonder why he doesn't want to watch it with you but will watch it secretly. Do you know what kind of porn he is watching? Is it something that may be embarrassing for him to admit that he likes? Maybe he has some sort of weird fantasy and this is how he fulfills it. I'm not sticking up for him, though. If it upsets you then it's a big deal.
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 1:58 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Here's my personal thoughts based on what you shared.

    1) Is it the porn in of itself that you have a problem with. Or is it the intentional covering up and lying about viewing porn that bothers you. That's is something that you need to and understand in order for you to be able to clearly communicate to him what is bothering you, why it's bothering you and how it needs to be addressed. If you are pissed about porn in general then address the subject from that porn and share all of your ill feelings about porn and why you have them. If you are pissed about the lying, address the issue from that point and share and explain your feelings about the issue.

    2) If he says he likes the sounds. He is giving you a key piece of info. He likes hearing the sounds of a woman who is experiencing pleasure. Do you express yourself verbally or allow yourself to just naturally let the sounds flow when you guys have sex?

    Cont
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:01 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • you have to understand that it has nothing to do with you and its not that he isnt attracted to you or doesnt love you. its just something guys do to get a release. say they just want to get it done and over with well thats not much fun for you to be left as just an object to get a release so they just do it themselves. everyone has fanasties and this could be one way to see his fanasies. if you really dont like him watching that stuff ask what he like to watch about it and maybe get involved your self. like you say he likes the toys well get a few toys and let him watch you. and if he likes the sounds then be louder in bed. if you love him you have to communicate in bed as well. but dont damn him for looking at porn. again this has nothing to do with you and it has nothing to reflect his feelings about you.
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 2:01 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Yeah the fact that he's sneaking around watching this scares me. No respect there for you either. I don't know what to tell you to do, but if it were me I would definitely try to figure out why he's secretly doing it. Most men in the world have these strange secrets and habits they keep tucked in until they get use to you, then out come the skeletons pouring out like water.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 2:03 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Also i wanted to add that it sounds like you are settling by saying that you offered to watch it with him, but it doesn't sound like you really want to but are doing it just for him. Please don't settle or put up with. You need to have a long discussion with him & let him know how much it hurts & bothers you.

    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 2:03 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I really feel sorry for you about this! I wonder if there is some way you can just ask him (no accusations or judgements) about why he finds porn so fullfilling, and does he prefer it over you; and ask if you should take it personally or it maybe a form of selfishness. Just to see what he says. Perhaps marriage counseling is something worth checking on, or pastoral counseling (I certainly do not condone this, because to me it is a form of adultery). If he seriously is devoted and in love with you as you are to him, then help for this addiction is out there, but personally I feel only God can cure this--whether it's male or female that has this addiction.
    gramama1

    Answer by gramama1 at 2:04 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Also him saying and only viewing women doing their things with machines is also pretty telling. He likes women getting off. He seeing women express themselves sexually, enjoy themselves sexually, be comfortable with themselves sexually, and who are just letting themselves go to enjoy the pleasure they are experiencing.. Do you enjoy sex with him? Are you comfortable with your sexuality and just letting yourself go? Only you know the answers to those questions. However, I hope you can understand what I'm asking and sharing. I'm not saying 'HE does this because you do not do this".. I'm sharing that your husband is sharing with you (though his communication skills aren't great) what he enjoys sexually and would like to see/experience sexually.

    How is the sexual communication between the 2 of you? Are you guys open and honest, about sex, sexual needs, sexual desires, what you need/want sexually?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:05 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I'm so sorry hun & i hope eventually you can get over this. I understand completely i would be very mad too. He needs to respect your feelings, and realize how bad it hurts you. What I don't get is why he wouldn't want to watch it with you, but he wants to do it behind your back. People get addicted to porn .. do you think that's a possibility? Because that's kinda what it sounds like to me. Or like MommyH2 said maybe he does have some weird fantasy and is to embarrassed to admit it.

    mommy2be0611

    Answer by mommy2be0611 at 2:05 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • There is something that I think people are not aware that porn causes addiction and very fast. If he has to sneak around and lie is not different from a junkie trying to hide his addiction,also he might say Im not addicted to it ,like at first some people say I can stop drinking whenever I want, you should look for counseling, for both.
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 2:15 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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