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What do you think about the view of the man as the 'head of the household'?

I can see where it comes from as men used to be the breadwinners, due to them being stronger and more able to do physical labour. As well as being the breadwinners as women used to stay at home with the children. However these days I think it's getting an old phrase.

I have to say most men I've met and I've met a fair few, my father included, think that they are the head of the household just because they are men. Even docile men seem to yell it when very riled up.

What's your opinion on this? I think the answer will be a resonant NO WAY as women that come on cafemom tend to be very independent and opinionated! Does your man see himself as head of the household? I know plenty of families where the women allow the man to think this and are happy to pretend he is the sustainer when really they do half/most of the work.

Ideas ladies?


Asked by leah_rai at 3:26 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,665 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • In my house my hub is the "head of household".  He has earned that title though.  He is smart, always thinks about all of us, and very goal oriented.  I think that when lazy men yell out about how they rule it's a joke.  I don't mean "head of household" as he rules all.  We both have our role.  I am a stay at home mom and comfortable with the roles we are in.  If he blew money, didn't work, etc he wouldn't be allowed to call himself that. My hub works 12 hour shifts, helps me around the house and with the kids, and still has enough energy to make sure I get some quality grown up time.  I have heard plenty of men say "what else am I suppose to do" just because they work and think thats ALL they have to do.  If a woman is comfortable in that situation, more power to her. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:39 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • Well my hubby makes more than i do.Andnot that im the man of the house but in our home, i set the rules, only because we can both agree that im the one who can keep up w/evrything here, i say what we can spend money on even if he brings the bigger paycheck, i can choose to stay at home& things will still run the same but i like having my own money., he has respect for me& not to sound cocky but he cant finction w/out me.Now growing up, my grandfather (may he rest in peace) my goodness he was that type, women had to do the cooking & stay at home& men worked.After he past away things changed.All the ladies work now.

    Answer by gabby06 at 3:35 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • My husband may make more money that I do, but he will be the first to tell you that I wear the pants in the family. He works 12 hours a day. I work 8 hours a day and I need to be the one to cook, do homework, clean up an start the bedtime routine. He sometimes grumbles that even the dog listens to me better than she listens to him.

    Answer by layh41407 at 3:47 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • My husband is lovely and is in no way head of household, nor does he want to be. He is the breadwinner, dishwasher and laundress! I am the disciplinarian, person who makes meals, drives kids to and from school, meets with the appliance guys, does the school interaction/meetings and doc appts. Oh, I do clean the bathtub and am a vacuum freak!

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 3:48 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I don't think there should be a "Head of Household" at all. Regardless if the women is the breadwinner, the man is, or both are. I think that in a relationship it should be an equal playing field. The finances, the children, the chores, and everything involved should be shared responsibility between the two. Everything should be discussed and decided upon together. In my marriage my husband has more voice over finances and I more over the house/kids. However, neither of us get to put our foot down and decide for ourselves. Everything is decided upon together and everything is discussed. Even if it takes all night and a lot of back and forth we find a common ground.

    So again, I don't think there should be a "Head of household" as in one person. I think BOTH parents should be head of household.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:51 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • My dh works outside the home to support us. I stay home and run the house (as chaotic as it is sometimes). I'd have to say we are partners in our household. We make joint decisions and no one's opinion counts more than the other. But if HOH means making all the daily decisions and paying bills, that's me.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 6:31 PM on Jan. 15, 2011