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Asking to play is own video game system????

My 11 year old son's father just got remarried to a woman with a 9 year old son. Her son lives mostly with his father and comes to stay with them every other weekend, same time as my son. My son has an XBOX 360 at both of our houses because we didn't want it traveling back and fourth, her son only has one at his dad's house. Well my son called me this morning upset that his SM told him he had to ask to play his step brother's game (his games go back and fourth with him but he forgot them this weekend). However, the step brother doesn't have to ask my son to use his system (which costs a lot more). I told my son to tell her that if he has to ask to use the game then the step brother has to ask to use the system (me and my husband bought both systems) I am thinking about bringing my son's games over tonight so my son won't have to ask every time he wants to play a game on HIS system. I would have no problem with the "asking" arrangment if her son also had to ask. Also, they share what used to be my son's room and use my son's bunkbed (which again I bought) and watch my son's tv (guess who bought it, me) No one asked my son if that was ok. I buy things for my son at my ex's house because my and my husband make a lot more then my ex and he can't afford nice things for my son, he tries though and I don't want my son to feel like he is "going without" whenever he is with his dad. Being the fact that my son is upset, do you think I should step in by bringing the games, as I bought the system? I already new she would favor her own son from things that happened while they were dating but this is just getting to be unfair

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • I am sorry but I would probably just leave the Xbox360 in the car so when I take him he just takes it then. But he is not leaving it at his Dad's because what if something happens to it? Are they gonna buy him a new one? And because it is at the house, its like the boy's mom thinks it is his. Because it is in the house. So if they can't be nice and say well since I play your system, you can play my games (without asking). If they can't do that then take his system and just leave it in the car. So when he goes to his dad's his system is in the car and he doesn't have to leave it.
    True_Gator_77

    Answer by True_Gator_77 at 6:10 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I think you need to talk to the ex and let him know that it is very unfair that HER son can use your son's XBox whenever he wants (without asking) but your son can't touch her son's game unless he asks. Maybe it should be a rule that the XBOX is ONLY for your son, and if her's wants to play then he should bring his own system with him each time or SHE should buy him his own Xbox for her house. I would also mention the TV belongs to YOU and it is for YOUR son to use... and hers is not to touch it. And if they do not follow your request, it will come back home with your son and be used at your house.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 6:15 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I think that you need to let your son deal with this himself. If he is really upset he can talk to his father about the situation. I am sure the SM thinks that because the system is always in the house that her son shouldn't have to ask, while her son brings his games over. You could talk to your EX about this although to me it sounds like things are being totally blown out of proportion & that maybe your son needs to learn that not everyone is as fortunate as he is. I think it is intersting that you feel the need to buy him things for his fathers house so he won't go without. I guess I am just the type of person who believes children need to learn that life is not always fair & that sometimes you can get disappointed. I think it teaches them how to make decisions and grow as people. I know people will not like this and you have to do what you think is best, which is why we all get to parent our own children. Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • cornflakegirl3, I buy my son things for his dad's house like a tv, xbox and a bed because his dad doesn't have any money to buy those things and my son has nothing to do all weekend. He comes home from a weeked of doing nothing and then has to go to school. During the school week he watches almost no tv and only 30 of video game time a day. It got to the point that my son didn't want to go to his dad's house so me and my husband decided to step in and buy these things (except for the bed, we bought that when overnight visiation started because he wanted my son to sleep on a second hand matress (he didn't know the person who owne the matress, he pulled it off of the curb from someone trash, my child. The SM is pretty much in the same boat as my ex, doesn't have much extra money for her son's things (so she says anyway, although she wears nice clothes and has several coach purses). Her son comes to stay with them one day a week
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • but my son doesnt go over there during the week and I know her son uses my son's x box 360, tv, dvd player and bed (he has the bottom bunk that used to be my son's but he was "afraid" so my son had to move to the top bunk and has fallen off twice because he tosses and turns so much. I feel like sitting down with his dad and telling him that our son is upset and that I don't really mind that the other boy uses my son's things, neither does my son, we both understand that they don't have the money to buy the boy those things so it's either my son shares or the boy goes without (though tbh, if my son said the other boy couldn't use his things, his mom would prob still let him) BUT if they are gonna share, it needs to go both ways. If he can't share the few things that he brings over, then he is not welcome to use my son's things. The xbox can be set to password protections and tv can be set to password protection if need be
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:15 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I think it's smart to just have your son talk to his dad about it, and only get involved if it continue's to be a problem. I have no idea why the step mom wouldn't make them share the games, maybe she has some sort of explanation?
    If I were in your situation, I HOPE that I would take the time to think things out before I did anything. I understand th
    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 8:38 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I think it's smart to just have your son talk to his dad about it, and only get involved if it continue's to be a problem. I have no idea why the step mom wouldn't make them share the games, maybe she has some sort of explanation?
    If I were in your situation, I HOPE that I would take the time to think things out before I did anything. I understand the urge to snap when we feel like our kids are being picked on, however, she may feel the same way and snap too, and it's your son who will be stuck in the middle of it all.
    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 8:41 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • It is just hard for me to hear my son crying on the phone because his sm is being unfair and there is nothing I can do about it. My son asked my to bring over a couple games and since it is only 5 min away, I did. I asked to speak to the sm privatly and asked her what was going on. She said that since the TV, DVD player, X BOX and bed were all kept at the house, they aren't just my son's anymore, they are the family's. I explained to her that ME AND MY HUSBAND bought them for my son, so they are my son's. I said that we don't have a problem with your son sharing them but your son needs to share his things to. Her son came out saying that my son won't let him use the X BOX anymore and that he had switched the blankets and took back his bottom bunk so now her son has to sleep on the top. At that point my ex walked in, he had been out, when his wife told him what was going on, he told her that as all these things were his son's,
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:49 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • our son had every right to do that. He said that our son should get to pick which bed he wants since the bunk bed set is his. He said that he though our son just wanted the top bunk. When her son started yelling about it, he said "well maybe you should have been willing to share your games if you wanted Kevin (our son) to share with you) I kissed my son goodnight and as I walked out my ex thanked me for bringing this to his attention. I really just went over there cause I thought, maybe there was more to the story, and if there is not, my son needs his game.I still just can't believe how she expected my son to share everything but her son didn't have to share anything!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:53 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I'm glad your husband can be fair and objective here. This is a really hard situation. The SM sounds really selfish and immature. If she believes everything in the house belongs to the family, then she can't have a double standard. Anything her son brings to the house should be under that same rule, I agree. I would purchase extra games, even if your son has a few that are doubles, just to keep at dad's house for the future.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:54 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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