Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

What would you do?

I'm 14 weeks pregnant with my boyfriend and my first child...he has a son, and I have two kids, this will be our first together. When we found out, he said not to worry, that everything would be ok, but then about a week later pretty much told me that he didn't want the baby. I understand that men feel great amounts of stress when finding out this news, especially when they are the only one working...but not like this. When he comes home from work, he goes straigt to the liquor store to buy beer, then heads to the neighbors until it's time for bed...He completely ignores me...on one hand he acts like he cares and goes to the appts and everything, but at home it's a completely different story...I know I'm going to hear a lot of 'just leave' advice, but walking away from the person you love is not that easy...Has anyone been through this? I'm so lost right now, I feel like this is the time I need him the most and he's just pushing me away :*(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • well sweetie just be honest with him & have a talk tell him how you feel & want him to be with you cause you need him more then ever & that you love him
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 10:49 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • How long have you guys been together? I think his behavior is not very mature, that's for sure....is he a good Dad to his son? More than anything, I'd sit his butt down w/o alcohol and tell him exactly what you've told us. Tell him you understand he's worried, scared, whatever but you need to know where he stands in order to go forward.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:50 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • i know you dont want to hear ..'just leave but since u already knew that was comin, u already know in ur heart its the best obvious answer.& yes i too have been in situations where i shoulda 'just left' but like u, felt its easier said then done. but trust me..in the end, when time has past, & youre done going thru ur normal feelings coping with a loss of a relationship..u will not at all regret leaving!!!!! i promise u. !! time heals all wounds. & when u think u wont find better..ur wrong. i was the queen of thinking..'i wont find better'. but u will
    hellokitty1978

    Answer by hellokitty1978 at 10:51 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • He's clearly avoiding something by drinking and being at the neighbor's house. He needs to come clean with you about his worries, stresses, whatevers. Let him know that you're there for him, you guys can figure things out together. Good luck to you.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 10:53 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • To answer some of your questions...we have been together for 2 years, but were really good friends for 5 years before that. He's an amazing dad to his son, which hurts even worse...what's the difference between him and our baby, you know? It's hard to talk to him, because anytime I try to tell him how I feel he twists it around and tries to 'read between the lines' even though there is no other meaning to what I'm saying, I tried to talk to him earlier and 2 seconds later the neighbor walked in, so I didn't get the chance
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:57 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • been in situation that sounds very much like yours
    i stayed, made excuses for him
    accepted less than i deserve
    fast forward three years later
    i left him
    wish i would have demanded more from the start
    you deserve better..try to talk to him but do not accept less than a descent person deserves
    and you sound like a descent person

    do not make the mistake of accepting less, if you do it will end sometime, just a matter of time
    hopefully he gets his act together and mans up
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:06 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • maybe he finding it difficult tryin to figure that hes going to be a dad for the 2nd time and its not fully sank into his mind yet... try to talk to him about how u r feeling and ask him how hes feeling to.. after all it takes 2 to make a baby, just follow your heart and figure whats best for u ur kids and the baby and stick to it and if hes not willing to step up your better off with out him, anyone can make a baby it takes a real man to be a father.... hope that helped :)
    nasreen19

    Answer by nasreen19 at 11:07 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I see that no one has told you this yet, so I will. MEN don't behave like that. BOYS, Drug addicts, and those having affairs act like that..
    The news of a baby only sours those listed above. I have been where you are. And there was no why in hell I was going to bring a child into this world under the circumstances. I did leave leave my boyfriend, Less than 2 years later I married my husband of 22 years. You are scared, and your alone. That my friend is not love. Think about it. Please.
    MICHELLE_45

    Answer by MICHELLE_45 at 11:11 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I guess he did give you the answer, but it is too hard to accept. He doesn't want to have a baby, although I would be reminding him that it takes two... I think it is also an immature response on his part. He is drinking and going away to escape. I am not sure that you should leave him, only you can answer that one. But I do think that some counseling would be the best idea if you are going to stay with him and raise the baby with him. You need him as a partner and father to be more than a driver to the dr. appointments and you should sit down and talk to him. Make a list of pros and cons and show it to him. Men are very visual, you might get more accomplished that way.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:16 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I am wondering a lot of things but it is more along the lines of having responsible sex and avoiding pregnancy at all costs in the future. You and him. Just from you wrote, I think he doesn't want the baby. I have to say I don't blame him. It is a huge responsibility and expense. He knows this because he already has a child to support. The thought of a second one is daunting to him. I don't think it makes him immature, not using BC made him immature, but understanding the consequences of having a baby means he is thinking things through.

    I also didn't understand how you can have two kids yourself but this is your first child. Did you mean first child with this guy?
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:36 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.