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Do you ever feel like he is just not telling you everything?

I know I do especially when it comes to mil! She is still with us and it seems everyday she pulls him aside and drops more crap in his lap! Like tonight, he got home from work and she quietly had him follow her upstairs. Of course I quietly follow a couple minutes later, I here her tell him that our neighbor got our mail and he brought it over there was something in it for her. No big deal right? Well it was her bank statement, she is overdrawn or being charged for something bla bla bla. She always has money problems and wants my dh to fix them!

Now she is in bed and I said, your mom seems a bit down tonight what is up? He says well the mail lady took our mail to the wrong house. I said so.

That is all I got!

Nothing about how she is short on money again and needs some of ours! I am so tired of this. Mil has got to go!

 
Noosa

Asked by Noosa at 11:32 PM on Jan. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,483 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I can tell you, this can split you. The first real problem my dh and I ever had was an issue similar to this. Except it was me who was giving to my mom. I did work, so it wasn't like he was the only income, and I wasn't secretive, we discussed it. He just would want to say no, but I couldn't not help my parents! My dh and I did work it out and I did stop giving so much. My issue would be his hiding what they're doing. With finances, especially buying a home, should be discussed and agreed on by both. I think maybe you should tell him what you heard and that you are uncomfortable with the secrets. (Mother or not, he should not keep things from you).
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • ok
    i do not see a big deal
    does he keep other things from you
    it is his mother and he wants to fix it maybe or he does not want to fix, but his mom, her problem
    not every little thing needs to be shared
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • I would say if his mom told him something personal in private and he doesn't want to share that, it's ok. However, I would definitely have a problem with my husband giving financial assistance without discussing it with me! I'm guessing you're a SAHM, but IMO even though my DH brings home the paycheck, it is OURS and if either of us were spending large amounts of money without discussing it, that would be a breach of trust.

    Now, would your husband feel like trust was breached if he knew you were listening in on his conversation with his mother?
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:04 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Great! I would leave them both and head to the house he bought you (er...I mean her) for a little vacation in Southern California!

    It sounds like she is really taking advantage of him, I understand wanting to help, but if you don't have the money he has to put his foot down somewhere...and stop indulging her with the secretive behavior. Disgusting. When she went to lead him up, he should be putting his foot down and telling her that she can discuss what she has to tell him with your presence. After all, she is living with the two of you, not her house.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:10 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • The only stuff he keeps from has to do with his mother. He knows our financial situation, we can not pay her bills and ours. And just this last week he committed to buy yes buy her a place to live in southern Cali! She is not helpless but sure plays the helpless card really well!
    Noosa

    Comment by Noosa (original poster) at 11:47 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

  • he sounds like he has plenty of money
    maybe she takes advantage of this
    and he just goes along with it because he has extra money
    maybe he does not tell you because he knows how you feel about it

    if he did buy her a place in southern cali, willshe be far enough away to be out of your hair??
    maybe a blessing! if not far enough, suggest he buy her a place in south of france
    THEN you will have some peace and quiet
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Jan. 15, 2011

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