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3 Bumps

How big are the little things?

It's a little hard to explain without concrete examples and to be honest there are just too many things floating around in my head to latch on to any of them, but I have been married for ten years and over the past 4 years or so I have found out that some of the things he told me when we first got together or even in the first few years of being married, are not true. ....... ok .... Some examples... He never meant it when he said he would take a dancing class with me, or the paint color for the living room that he said he liked only to tell me a few years later that he hated it. There are lots of other things, all small and inconsequential, but when you put them all together... it feels a lot bigger. I feel like I don't really know him anymore, or like I didn't really know him to begin with. If he can lie so easily about the little things, is he lying about more?

Answer Question
 
Sagen

Asked by Sagen at 1:34 AM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (144 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • As long as he is honest with you now, I wouldn't worry about the little things from the beginning. I think a LOT of us make little lies in the beginning because we are too self conscious to really put ourselves and our real opinions out there. We are scared that the person won't accept us the way we are or won't give us a chance if they think we don't agree with them on everything. Some people are just insecure. Have you ever tried asking him WHY he lied about those things? I bet you anything, he just really wanted you to like him. If it is just as simple as that, I would be flattered. I would still tell him how important honesty is to you from this point forward though. :)
    TitusMom7

    Answer by TitusMom7 at 1:37 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I wouldnt get upset about this. He is just trying to save your feelings, meaning maybe he doesnt want to hurt your feelings about the wall color for example. Its little white lies. Unless he has made you feel like he is lying about big things...I wouldnt worry at all. I think you might have some trust issues, so talk to him.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 1:38 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • these sound like little white lies to me. maybe he lied just to avoid conflicts or a looong discussion about paint/ a lot of guys do not care about these things like women do. most people tell little white lies. Now if he lied about having kids, or never being married, his criminal history, credit history etc then i would worry.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:40 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like he is trying to make you happy. Just like pick your battles. He is doing that bc he loves you. Don't read to much into it.... Sounds like he really loves you.
    jen2774161

    Answer by jen2774161 at 1:40 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Some times we pick our battles..... Painting the living room for ex....how would you of honestly reacted if he said he hated the color... How comfortable was your relationship at that time? Not many men would take dance lessons...but would lie and say they would to avoid the fight at that time. I lie sometimes to my husband. He cooked up a certain type of bread when he first got into baking, and I awed over how good it was....honestly I spit it out and flushed it when he wasn't around... 2 years later. He makes great bread!! Sometimes the small things don't add up, instead just ward off small arguments and hurt feelings.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 1:54 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • maybe he didnt want to hurt you when you first got married and he probly doesnt realize it bothers you now.. its a guy thing they have a one track mind,, lol i asked my bf if he remembers the first time we met and he told me no all he remembers is when i called him up 2 yrs later. we only been together for 16 months,, lol i wouldnt worry about him though just talk to him..
    kyiahsmommy

    Answer by kyiahsmommy at 2:02 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I would feel the same way you do.And as a matter of fact I am kind of in a similar situation.He says what he thinks I want to hear and then blows me off.But gets upset when I blow him off.You feel like you can't trust him.And it sounds like he doesn't care if you do.Like mine does.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 7:43 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You need to decide if these "little things" are DEAL-BREAKERS or not! In other words, have they broken your trust in him, do they get in the way of your relationship, do they make you TRULY miserable, in the big picture scheme of life together and your marriage?! If yes, then you need to discuss it with him, if you can live with them, then do just that and let it go!

    The majority of men DON'T care about paint colors, drapes, decorating or formal dance lessons! Forcing him to care, means he'll likely pull back from other things. :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:02 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I dont think little things like that should be a deal breaker.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:50 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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