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2 Bumps

Tough Spot, Need advice on how to stand up to difficult family members???

I hate when family is instigating. I hate living where I am at. Is it legal for family members to hold me back from becoming on my own,I have a college degree, havent gotten on my own two feet in life yet. I moved to be closer to dad in respects to my mom who past away last March but left behind a life that I didn't want to leave in the first place. I have never been given the chance to be "me" and to establish my own life, outside the control and mental, physical and verbal abuse of family. Honestly today I want to go to my dad after church, he has asked me to come over to have a talk, I want to tell him that I no longer want his financial support, he has no right to tell me how to live my life and I want to move away from here where I can breathe fresh air, they are putting me down, my dad is telling me I can't work., other family members are relaying false information, twisting and turning things to make it look like I h ave done something wrong-I hate people who lie and are two faced. They heard things about my BF that are untrue. He works for the legal system in a court room and  kids/teens with drug-legal issues from in town often come to him for help and advice and he tries so very hard to help them. My ex sister in law has to go to other family members(my dad and brother) and tell them that she doesn't like my BF and that he does drugs, accusing BF's son of doing drugs and it is going on in hishouse. All a lie. It is all a prejudiced thing. (bf s black),he is a wonderful person, good to me and I love him with everything in my heart. I accept him, he is honest, he isn't the bad persn that everyone is praying him to be. I resent the fact that he is being judged harshly, my dad and brother and sister in law are out of State. My son had a rough last 3 yrs and my BF has done so much to try to help him, offering advice to me and my ex . One reason my dad moved me away from where I was at as it was told was to protect me from my son. He is now in boot camp getting help he needs. I just want strength to move away from the chains that bind me in my life(in my case, family) and life my life. Am I wrong in wanting to do this. All my life family has treated me as if I was incapable and stupid. I am tired of the way things are, I am a believer in Christ and so much want good to come of my life, my sons life and lies to stop. To me it sounds as if they are just trying to intimidate me, break us up, upset me. I want them to back off, I want to live my own life and me and BF are going to be together no matter what.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:09 AM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I would break free.  Don't make anything harder than it already is.  Make a decision and stick with it.  Keep the bs out of your life.  The way to get change is to make change.  You don't like how things are, do what you have to and change it.  Also, accept the way your family is.  Your not responsible for them.  They are the way they are and you can't let that affect you or your life in any way.  I wouldn't take the time out just yet to explain anything to anyone or even waste my breath.  It doesn't sound like you'll be listened to anyways.  Do what you think you should.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 6:15 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Mrs Houston- my dad is controlling, he has asked me to go to him after church to talk to him. I believe your comment he wont listen to me is true, he never does. It is a do it my way or else situation. He has no right to control me and what I do in my life. I am older, in my 40's and have been strung into a life where no one has ever told me the good things about me. I know I am capable. They say I was born with a learning disability, had a stroke on the delivery table but in all honesty if I wasn't smart or capable would I in this so called birth condition been capable of getting a college degree. My brother has screws loose in my opinion, a sibling jeliousy thing going on and he makes it out as iHave problems. Come on, all I want is the bs to stop and to get on with my life. Thanks for your advice!@!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:24 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You can break free, find a job that you can support yourself with. You said you left behind a life you were happy with, you can move back. No one has a right to be emotionally, physically or verbally abusive to you, if they do you have a right to walk away from these relationships.


    You say you haven't gotten on your feet yet, but if you really want to break free from your family your going to have to find a way to support yourself. You can absolutely do this but you should develop a plan for improving your life by developing skills that will help you accomplish these goals. Good luck to you.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:37 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • thanks!! i need all the advise I can get!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:45 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I haven't read the other answers, but here is what I think. Leave them now. You don't need their permission or blessing to leave. They seem dysfunctional and probably would not give you their blessing. You are waiting around for them to become something they are not. You are exposing your child to bad influences and sinking down into something that resembles weakness. Get away from them, even if you have to live at a women's shelter. The answer is not in your boyfriend or any other person. The answer is in you. Stand on your own two feet. You have a college degree so obviously you are a smart person who can achieve long term goals. Fear of being a full adult is holding you back. Fear can be paralyzing. Start planning for your escape. It can be done.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:55 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • standing on my own to feet, standing up for my rights and fear are the main things here. It is paralyzing. My dad is expectin gme after church and so I do need to go and talk to him. I blew up in front of apt complex yesterday. I was at fault for that and my dad heard about it. I am just storing up bottled emotions. Been talking to church friends about my situation. I going to chuch in an hour. Thanks for input!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:21 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Go talk to you BF first about you cuting all ties financially with your family. Then do it. Tell your dad he can keep his money.(I hope you have a job first)
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:31 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • It time that you get away from them and find out what God has instore for you
    tinamarie1972

    Answer by tinamarie1972 at 7:55 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You have to set boundries with some people.And it took me a long time to be able to do that.You have to say to them----I do not want to talk about __________________(fill in the blank) with you.but if there is anything else I would love to talk to you.If they insist.tell them I will call you later and hang up.And call them later when you feel like it.You should have your own life.And you like everyone else on this earth will have to learn from their mistakes.
    But if your family didn't love you, they wouldn't care what you did or where you went.
    I hope things work out for you.And you have a happy life.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 8:09 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Tina, I want to discover GODS purpose, His Plan for me. If it is control I need in my life I want to live under the control of GOD and no one else. For he is the only one that truly knows me inside and out and knows my heart, he knows my true potential and he knows what i want in my life. AMEN...no one should be trapped in the control of others to the point they live in fear that paralyizes them and they don't ever get to live up to their true potential. Somehow my dad loves me but he isn't willing to let me be free to be "me" And I am sorry but there is something wrong with that and that way of thinking. Thanks!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:13 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

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