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How can I get my heart and head on the same page?

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, 2 of those we have been going back and forth between arguing, making up, getting a divorce and staying together. We both cheated on each other for different reasons, and we have both tried to forgive and move foward. We are currently in marriage counseling after i FINALLY convinced him to go. problem is in the back of my head i keep hearing this voice that i should just leave, that its the best for everyone, we have 2 little girls, one almost 3 andone 7months. And while i love him i don't feel that i'm in love with him right now and I'm scared that won't come back and that it wouldn't be fair to him to stay just because of the kids...he deserves to be with someone who makes him feel loved and special and i just don't know if i can be that person. How long do i wait to see if the feelings return?? I just am not sexually into him anymore and i don't know if its because of the cheating on both our parts or something that was caused by the pregnancies or we've just grown apart? I'm afraid I may just want to leave because i'm scared and it seems easier but i just want whats best for my girls and everyone involved! HELP!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I'd say if you were going to marriage counselling then share these thoughts in private with your counsellor if possible. Also perhaps wait a while at marriage counselling to see if that will help at all. The spark may be gone because you're overthinking it if that makes sense. Go on dates together, act like a new couple again if possible. All things that get the spark going. Plan surprises, be they sexual or just surprises such as having fun together doing a new activity or sport. Act carefree again, start the relationship all over again. It's worth a try! Good luck.

    Answer by leah_rai at 9:08 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Of course you want to do what is best for the kids. But do not say it is because you do not think it is fair to him. That is a cop out. It is you that you are thinking of. that is okay. Just be honest.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:10 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Sit down and write out what you want and share it with your counselor of course you want to do the right thing for both of you trust me I stayed for ten years for the kids it helps the kids but eventually they wise up as well. You have to figure out what you want and what you need and go from there.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:27 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Stop thinking with your heart. Thing with your head. Can you see yourself with him for 50 more years? Do you really want to put up with him and his bad things/habits for 50 more years?

    Answer by louise2 at 9:30 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Meant "think" not thing.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:31 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Thou it is hard sometimes we need to realize oil and water don't takes 2 people to make a relationship and 2 people to break it. If you both are reacting to each other behaviors and not able to check your own behavior, it will be difficult to get beyond the blame game. Until you both are honest in counseling things will not get better. It is normal for all of us to plead our case but that won't solve the problems. Only each of you know in your hearts what needs to be done. Counseling is where you can really say things that may hurt but need to be is when the games need to stop. Best to you!

    Answer by Librarylady60 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 16, 2011

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