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how to handle the situation with babys father..?

So, I am 32 weeks. My sons father left me at 8 weeks, though we had planned and tried for this baby. He has been in and out since then. Right now he has a four month old and lives with his son and the mother. For the past month things were finally good again, we saw eachother almost everyday and we got back together. Last night he started this whole 'that baby was a mistake', 'I dont want that fatherless baby', 'I dont want to be there when hes born' and thats just the beginning. Now Ive gone through this my whole pregnancy so far. He has done nothing for our baby, Ive gotten everything myself. He has missed every doctors appt. We were supposed to get an apt next week, because my mother (who i am living with) is moving out of state. I dont know if I should continue to go through the drama and bs for the sake of my son or just give up and leave the state with my mom. Im so confused and hurt, I want whats best for my son, but is taking him hours away from his father (who clearly could careless at this point) be going too far? I have no idea what to do or think. My family absolutely HATES him so they are set on screw him he doesnt deserve this baby. 

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QuincesMommy

Asked by QuincesMommy at 1:59 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • you cant try and make something work that wont. obviously he doesn want to be part of this so just either a let it be or b take him to court for child support. get ur own place or a place with a freind or go live with ur mom whever she is moving to. i raised my DD alone since the positive came up on the test till i meet my husband when she was 1 1/2 u CAN do it!
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 2:02 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • He's had months to change and if was going to he would have. Leave.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 2:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Your family is your support right now. He has a 4 month old and yall were trying for a baby? You need to move with your mom and let him know the new address and let him decide if he wants to be in your childs life. Its sad but it will be easier for you. GL
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 2:05 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • He is a scumbag and you should cut off all contact with him and move away with your mom. He obviously could give 2 shits about you or his child and personally I think a life without a father, is better than one with a father that comes and goes and says conflicting things. Children need stablility in their lives, not wondering why their dad hasn't come around in awhile and what not. I'd rather never know my dad than have him in and out of my life whenever he pleases. Start a new life somewhere else and forget this loser. There are good men out there that will be a father to your son and love him like he was their own. I've seen it. Document the terrible things your x is saying so if he decides to stirr up drama by contacting the courts, you have proof that he really wanted nothing to do with this child. Good luck.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 2:07 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Hugs!!! Here is what I would do if I were in your shoes: I would consider him out of the picture--(based on his words, actions and lack of support during the pregnancy) - and I would pack up and leave the state with mom. I would also document his behavior, words and actions (and if possible record him saying he wants nothing to do with baby) and then I would use that and file for sole custody of the child and file for child support.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:07 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I hate to be mean but he obviously does not care much about you or the baby-- as he was screwing around on you and has a 4month old already. He has not been there during your pregnancy, has not supported you, he is living with his new girlfriend and their baby! You and your baby deserve better than this jerk! Move with your mom and get on with your life!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • move away and have the baby in the other state. i moved right after the baby was born. the only reason i didn;t move while i was pregnant is because i was under lease on apartment and i had a fulltime job with insurance. if you have nothing holding you in the state you are in go with your mom. your family is your support. move to the other state and start a new life with your son. move on. your life is not going to ever be the same so you might as well go where the support is and obviously he does not want to have anything to do with his son. let him know you are moving and that you will keep in touch and then when you get a job and are settled go for child support. he made the baby with you and he needs to take responsiblity. don't let him just make a baby and take no responsiblity.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 2:14 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Story of my past. It will not get better.. trust me! He may 'act' different and want to be around but it will start up again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I have had several of these experiences as I have four kids and four different fathers. He obviously doesnt want to be part of this childs life and unfortunately you cannot force him to be. I would do what my heart told me to do whether it be to stay in the state where I am or to move with my mother. I would give him the new contact info just in case he grows up and decides to be a father. Just remember its him missing out on the best joy the world can give someone. I am a single mother and i know that if i can do it so can u I will definitelt pray for you. Good Luck in whatever you choose. Just keep us updated.
    bobbietrayer

    Answer by bobbietrayer at 10:02 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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