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7 Bumps

I don't like my step kid????????

I have seen serveral posts on here in the past few weeks about step mothers complaining about their step children. It seems that in most cases, it is driving a wedge between the child and their parent. I feel that if you marry someone, you have to accept their children and the situation or agreement for the children that the parents have made, if you can't, don't marry them. A step mother doesn't have the right to drive a wedge between father and child, it is just cruel. I have even seen step moms on here saying that they have told the step child that they are not welcome in their home. Until that child is 18, that home is their home too. Just as parents can't kick their 13 year old out onto the street, a step mom can't tell a child they are not welcome in their home. I believe (I saw this posted under one of these questions) that this could be considered abandonment and the step parent and parent doing this can lose custody of the child in question but also any other children they have. It just makes me so angry seeing these kinds of posts, if you aren't ready to be a step mother, meaning accepting the child NO MATTER WHAT. don't marry someone with a child. Breaking up families and causing problems in families is wrong, accept the situation the way it is or move on. Am I wrong for this?

Of course cases where the step child is dangerous to other children or the parents, that is different, but I am talking about normal children with normal behavioral issues for their age.

 
JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 2:58 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • OP, i wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said thus far. I am saddened to see these posts. Every parent and/or step parent has frustrations, but if you truely dislike your kid or step kid, then you need to get some help. We are the adults. We need to take the steps to be the "bigger person" and work something out. And it is very selfish and immature to ask your spouse to "choose" between their kid or you (new spouse).
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 3:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree. If you don't like the stepchildren, you have no business marrying the parent. Those children deserve to be treated with respect, love and kindness not like crap for whatever reason. If the child is dangerous then that is a different story.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:00 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Gosh, I agree so much. I can't imagine my husband treating my first daughter differently just because she's not his biological child. I feel SO bad for those stepchildren who have the quote unquote 'evil' step parents. I'm pretty sure I know which posts you're referencing. Sad, so sad that an adult can act like that. You can blame the child and their attitude all you want, but let's get real, you're the grown up, they're the child, how are you going to justify that.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 3:23 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • My son called his step mom the step witch. I wonder how many step moms like being called that?

    JLS in our state (NC) they can and will lose custody if it is proven there is emotional or mental abuse in the household and saying youre not allowed in my house is a form of both according to social services here in my state. Denying visits is also a form of neglect.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:28 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • no, you are not wrong! You are absolutely right! People need t grow up. and these men who are allowing for a women to treat there kids like this are just as guilty. Because I know if my ex would allow for some women to come in and degrade or shun my children just because they aren't hers, that person is foolish!
    lilma0608

    Answer by lilma0608 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I made a conscious choice not to ever be a step mom because it is very hard to do I am sure. Now being older, I could probably handle it, but when I was younger with younger kids no way. I have also dealt with step moms and I have gone through 3 with my first ex husband and the kids were never his priority. The kids never took any of them seriously. They knew they wouldnt last. My youngest sons dad and me were married long enough to have him. He had a step mom who has since left and treated him poorly. My son has nothing but hatred for her and it kills me to see him feel this way about anyone when he is so young. Shes no longer around, but it has left a scar.
    As for custody. Yes. The parent can and would lose custody if taken to court and the child stated he was not welcome in the home. That would be that. I dont think theyd lose custody of the kids in the home unless they abandoned them too.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:13 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I don't think your wrong in the instances you've stated. There are some children that will just not except another mom or dad because they want their own parents to go back together. It's hurtful to them and they don't really understand so love and patience will go along way. When you wed anyone that has children, you wed the whole family or don't do it at all.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 3:02 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I agree they are a package and when you get married to a person with kids you marry them lock stock and kids.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:03 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I agree.
    soon2bmmy

    Answer by soon2bmmy at 5:03 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • zbee, I agree to part of that but I don't think that a child should have to accept a step parent as a parent just to be treated like family in the home.


     No nor do I. I didn't even imply that, I was saying for those that don't like the step child, patience and love can at least make a better relationship. You can't replace a parent in some cases and in others the kids like the step parent better, all depends on the dynamics of the people involved. Just keep things as pleasant as possible is what I was saying.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 6:17 PM on Jan. 16, 2011