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Mom's with 3 or more kids

Here recently me & my husband have been talking about adding another addition to our family. I had four brothers growing up so I came from kind of a big family, my husband had two other siblings. I have always wanted a big family & my husband only wanted two, a boy & a girl. We have one of each. But here recently my husband has been wanting to have another baby. My delima is that I want another one but then again I dont. When I had my second baby all I could do was cry because the thought of not giving my son my first born all the attention he deserved. Now thats all coming back to me again & Im afraid of taking the attention away from my two kids that I already have. Not to metion its not like my husband is here to help me, hes a directional driller so hes gone all the time. Were lucky if he gets to come home one to two days out of the month. So its not like he can give them the attention they need or want while Im taking care of a new born. My question is, is how do you other mothers with 3 or more do it & am I a bad mom or am I being selfish for wanting to give my kids the attention that they need or want?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Pregnancy

Answers (8)
  • I don't know exactly how it works but here is what I know. I have a 8 dd, 6 ds and a 4 dd. It works out. They know I love them. They also love each other. I always believed that brothers and sisters were to be each other's best friends. That is why when my husband wanted a 3rd one I said ok. I knew it would be alright. I knew I could handle it. But I was done after that. I felt that my body was too tired so it was for my health I said no more. good luck. :)
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 4:01 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I have 5. Sometimes it is difficult to find individual time for each of them, but we have a really good time all playing together. My youngest is only 6 months so she's not really in on it yet, but there's always something going on. They entertain each other, and as they get older they help out.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:05 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • It's normal to feel this way. Its just a matter of balance and no you arent a bad mom. We all think our kids deserve 100% of our attention all the time..but the honest answer is we just can't give that to them. For me it was a matter of spending alot of time with all of them together..and then having smaller amounts of time that i shared with each other them seperately while the others played or did something else. The more kids you have the more time they have together..lol. if that makes sense. I was so overwhelmed raising One Child..and then I moved in with my fiance and his two kids and it seemed like my tot wanted nothing to do with me he was so busy with the other 2 and now I have a newborn..so 4 kids..and its hard with a new baby but i know and this may seem selfish..but at this moment the new baby needs me slightly more than the other kids. So yes the baby gets a bit more attention..but it doesnt mean i love my kids
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 4:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • less..But like i said its a matter of balance..and as they get older they will become a great help and more entertainment for eacho ther.. fiance and i are planning on having one more baby in the next 2 yrs..and lol we're just gonna have our hands full! good luck mama
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 4:09 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I'm expecting my fourth. I don't look at it in terms of what I can give them. Yes, they all get one on one time with Mom and Dad. But they also have a best friend in a sibling that is there to play with them. I know that each of them are loved just as much as if they were my one and only, even more so because they have a few more people around to love them. You may feel like you are short-changing them, but they don't feel that way. There isn't a limit to our capacity to love. We can love 4 just as easily as we could love 1. I think in my early pregnancy with #2, I felt the way you are. Eventually, I realized that I was afraid I couldn't do it, not that they were getting a bum deal. They all love having one another, it was me not feeling like I could protect all of them or not feeling like I could manage all of them. I'm glad I didn't let my unreasonable fear get the best of me, because guess what? Turns out I can do it.
    fancyjane

    Answer by fancyjane at 4:19 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Thanks so much to all of you...... My kids are the best of friends but Im also a stay at home mom that doesnt have many friends. So all they have is eachother & they love to have my full attention all the time. My oldest is about to be 4 he has become a little more indapendent, my dd is 2 she doesnt like to share me at all with her brother or with her daddy & I cant lwave the room with out her throwing a fit or crying to go with me. So I am concerned about her. My son will start school next year so Im kinda leaning on if we do have another to have one next year. Thank y'all again!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:21 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I have 4 boys ages 5, 4, 2 1/2 and 8months old. I have one son with Down Syndrome and one son who has developmental delays. I always worry about deviding my attention up between them evenly. They all know that i love them, but i think my oldest has some diffuculties with having the most responsibilities. I also have no help from my husband because he works 2 jobs to support us. I dont see much of him. He works 7 days a week, 10hour days. I had planned on stopping with 3, but became pregnant last year with an IUD in. I was happy about another baby, but also knew it would be difficult since i have one son with specail needs. Now, i am dealing with my youngest son with developmental delays and i feel like i am trying even harder to spread myself evenly with all 4 boys. We do family outing and play dates with friends whenever we can. They boys also love to play with one another.
    team21

    Answer by team21 at 4:38 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Look at it this way. You are giving them another sibling. I have three kids. I set special days with each child. If we don't do anything but go for a nice walk. Just make sure you tell them you love them all the time. I honestly don't think my third child made much of a difference as far as my time goes. You are the one pretty much raising them though. So if your not sure you want another one I would talk to your DH. Good luck!!!!!
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 4:56 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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