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Is there anyone else that is having trouble constantly dealing with a disabled child? Am I a bad mother, sometimes I think I can't do it?

my son has severe brain damage due to complications due ot lack of oxygen as a premature baby. i am on my own with him and i never get a break. he's 4 years old now and is not able to walk. his mental developmental age is between 12 to 18 months. i'm just feeling so alone and worn out. i love him but sometimes it strips me of everything i have. i don't have family who would be happy to care for him much. i know no one wil really be able to answer but what can i do?

i have other children who i believe are not getting the attention they need too. i can't deal with them and him. it's just impossible. literally impossible. any ideas please? i can't do this to them either. they're good chidlren and they deserve a mother who can give them the attention they need. i can't even look over their homework. i just wish i could do more. i get so angry all the time too. ideas on how to do anything in this situation?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (11)
  • I do not have a disabled child but I have friends/family who do, and even with a ton of support, it is EXHAUSTING for them. You are no where near being a bad mother because you are overwhelmed! In fact, recognizing you are overwhelmed and something need to change is the best step in getting solutions for your family!

    Talk to your doctor or the hospital or even social services to find out what kind of services there are in your area to help you out. They might have a volunteer nurse program where someone could stop by and give a hand, something like that. I used to be a "mentor" for extremely difficult children who's parents needed respite. I worked for Lutheran Social Services and it was a program they had. So start asking questions and find out what kind of things are available in your city or state, and don't stop with asking just one person. Ask everyone...doctor, nurse, teacher, etc. Don't give up!!
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 4:57 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I think youre doing the best you can. Even with you trying is amazing! Dont put yourself down for being a mother, lots of families and women are dealing with the same issues. I know I dont have a disabled child so I can't really relate in that sense but as a mother I can, It defiantly has its challenges! But you can do it, you have been. Dont give up! Your children love you
    ashleyxo8

    Answer by ashleyxo8 at 5:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • My heart goes out to you. I cannot ever imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry you have no support or family that would step in and help. Do you have any close friends that might be able to give you a break? Are there any support groups in your area? I wish I could think of more that may be helpful to you. For right now I am sending prayers your way that God will give you the strength you need. Please don't ever think of yourself as a bad mother, your doing the best you can and that is what matters the most. Keep reaching out for help, because you deserve it.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 5:08 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Sweetie I have a grandchild I am raising who has special needs and I understand the exhaustion. I commend you as a single parent who is concerned she might not be doing her best. You are probably doing more and better than you imagine you are.

    I also do not have any help with my little one but when I get a couple of hours of "me" time it is amazing how it changes and refreshes me. There are agencies who provide caregivers for little ones who are disabled what they call "respite" care. You can call your local health department, your child's pediatrician can give you information or even just google your area and respite care.

    I promise you there is help out there for you and it would be worth the effort to look for it. Hang in there. Most Moms who ask for help are the ones who are the best!!
    remomingit

    Answer by remomingit at 6:14 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I am so sorry for all the heartache you are going through right now, and it's perfectly normal to have those feelings when dealing with a special needs child. I have two special needs children. My son Sean now 6 has ADHD/Aspergers and my daughter Kylie now 21/2 years has unspecific diagnosed global developmental delays. She has mostly eaten pureed foods but we are finally working on mashed foods now, she isn't yet walking but now pulls herself up to a stand when she has something to help support her weight, and she has never spoken a single word to date.
    I now have her involved in a Early Intervention class that started two weeks ago that happens every Wednesday, she also goes to Shriners Hospital for Physical and Speech Therapy twice a month for each, and every other week goes to see a Occupational Therapist to help her with her fine motor skills and eating, tooth brushing..that sorta thing. I also have my son seeing a OT....
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 6:21 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • every other week as well..So I know what it's like to feel exhausted and alone, Overwhelmed! It is very hard and emotional at times. Mostly when I try to go places and do simple things like shopping is when I feel saddened by the huge differences I see in my children compared to others. There is just so much that many other parents of healthy normal children never have to think about..and every time I go to leave my house I stress and worry as to how my daughter is going to handle the excursion.
    I find myself getting angry too from time to time because I often feel like I have to be a prisoner of my own home. I was so mad about a week ago after going to pick up my son from school; I decided to stop in to the Dollar Tree and just kick around for a few minutes when all of a sudden my daughter just goes absolutely hysterical and cries at the top of her lungs. She is very VERY loud! So some oriental lady from the next isle comes..
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 6:25 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • over and shakes her finger at us and says, "no, no!" And then I look and see one of the cashiers left her station to come check out what the fuss was all about. I mean really..I was so mad and I just left my cart and wished a day would come when total strangers could realize how horrible it is to deal with this and feel so limited because of my daughters limitations. I feel you momma and you can message me anytime. I would love to have someone to discuss these challenges with, and mothers with special needs children have hard times finding listening ears when surrounded by parents and children who aren't facing these issues.
    My family is hardly involved..my parents live 45 mins south of us and the last time they came here was before the birth of my daughter 2 1/2 years ago..so if I want to see anyone in the family..It's up to me. You'll love your kids regardless..but you need ppl around you who care. Send me a msg!
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 6:30 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Before I offer anything, may I say your special? It takes a lot of courage to share like you have. The key to sharing is to share as if your life depends on it because it does. There is simply no answer sweetie. I also have anoxic brain injury due to overdose in hospital and lack of oxygen. I know you are strong or you wouldn't have the courage to share with us. Sometimes things just suck! Get up tomorrow and know that you are the best. Forgive yourself for being human. Hang in and hang on. I am here if you just need a Cafe mom buddy.


    blowing kissesMichelle

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 7:50 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I'm am so sorry that you have to deal with all this on your own with no family support. You should check with your local Dept. of Human Services, They might have info on some place that can help you out, Here we have a place that sends trained people to your home to sit with your child so you can get out, And take a break,even while you go out for a few hours to do something fun with your other children. Check it out, it can be a big help. God bless you and good luck.
    Alta2008

    Answer by Alta2008 at 8:11 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Our county has funding available for disabled children including respite care and at-home help. Check with your local county. I hope you find some help. I now it is difficult, if money is tight, but can you find a teenager in your area who could help (since you would still be there if a situation ocurred that she couldn't handle.)?
    Hazelnutkin

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 8:12 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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