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2 Bumps

Have you ever stayed with your husband because of the children?

My husband and I have been having issues for a year now. Major arguing, not seeing eye to eye. There is no abuse or anything along those lines. We butt heads a lot. In the last couple years I have lost interest in sex with him, but at the same time, have no interest in even masturbating...so there is no sex drive I guess. Happened after the first baby. But when we are intimate there is no emotion for me. I'm not turned on. I don't even want to kiss him at times. He isn't stupid either and has noticed my lack of affection for him. We have currently been apart about 3/4 of the last year total, due to work. As in, he is gone for periods of time, then home again. There are also financial issues, but that's normal I would say. In the last couple months he just throws words around like, stay where you are...leave me...etc. I told him yesterday to file for divorce if he is so miserable with me. It's like we both say that, but neither wants to do it. We love one another. But sometimes I don't feel "in love" anymore. But I didn't get married and bring children into this world to get divorced. If there were major issues, like violence or drugs or something that would be different.
I'm just at a loss. I'm frustrated, depressed, confused...and I know it's only a decision I can make...not a decision a bunch of strangers can answer for me.
Is it common for a period of time after having 2 babies a year apart, for a woman to have these feelings? I have babies who don't sleep through the night....at 2 and a half and a year and a half. I'm a SAHM and do have an interview for a personal trainer job in a couple weeks, which if I get will help a lot, I'm sure. I didn't think things would be so hard on my emotions.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • YES .omg girl. you are my other half. i am going through the same thing. it's so hard cause you don't wanna hurt your children but then you wanna be happy again. just know, your are not alone. i hope things get better for both of you. if you ever need to vent email me anytime. sometimes its good to talk to people in your same situation

    Christieluv0614

    Answer by Christieluv0614 at 5:13 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Nope. My child came first and I would rather her see me happy and single than fighting with her dad every day.

    Staying together for the child will only make an unhappy living space.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 5:02 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You are in a season of your life that is very hard right now. And, its going to be hard whether you are together, or you are a single parent. No one ever said marriage needed to always be happy and perfect. I went in to marriage being told that it would be hard and it would be work, and the years of having young children are as struggle. Yep, that's true!

    I would say what you are going through is 100% normal because I have yet to have a friend or a relative who hasn't gone through the same thing when the children come. And when the children are older and more independent, it improves a great deal...but only if you both want it to.

    I went through it too. My third child was about 1 years old and most of the time my thoughts to my husband included mean words and resentment. Now I look back and think, NO WONDER! I was exhausted and strained, and so was he! It was tough, but we worked it through, and you can too. Have faith.
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 5:12 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I stayed for ten years it is not worth it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:03 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Nope- I left FOR my child.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:20 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • If the relationship is unhealthy around the kids....then no.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 5:24 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I left With my son when he was one, it was hard at first but with each day it got easier and I was happier and so was my son. You may not notice it but my mother always told me your children can pick up on your feelings so whether you're arguing in front of them or not, it shows all on your face. My mom stayed in a dead end marriage for 25 years it was detrimental to her health. I swore never to make the same mistake. Try to work things out but never stay with someone who doesn't want to stay with you.
    thelovelymzbre

    Answer by thelovelymzbre at 6:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Normally I'd say it is a horrible idea to stay just because of the kids but it seems like most of your maritial problems are coming from stress, you mentioned an interview and having a job yourself will ease some of the tension. If you are absolutely convinced that things will not, or can not, get better in your marriage than the best thing for you would be to separate and take things from there however if you get this job and some of the stress in your lives eases and things get better than you know there's a chance at being happy again with your husband.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 6:16 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Yes, we stayed together for the kids for the first few years of our marriage - and now our marriage is wonderful. I'm so glad we stuck it out now.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:47 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • i can't say i have or feel that way... you guys shoul try marriage counseling before you chose to go the other way..
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 5:04 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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