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How to approach husband with sensitive religious situation regarding more children?

Me and my husband were raised in large families that believed in no contraception. We got married at 17 and are supremely happy together, however I'm starting to question the no contraception issue. I'm tired, our finances are suffering and all my family will tell me is to trust God however they're also having problems. I've told my husband that if he won't practice contraception then we will have to practice abstinence which will obviously be hard but we can manage it. He disagrees and says that the Lord will bring us through which I understand, I do, I'm just tired. I'm 28. We have 5 children and I love them more than life but we just can't afford any more children. All our children are under the age of 7 and I'd like to at least wait until we're more stable which could be a number of years before having more. Any help would be appreciated ladies. My husband is so strong in his beliefs, he's not normally a stubborn man and when it comes to who 'wears the pants' it's normally me as he's so easy going and always does what'll make me happy but in this he won't budge. I know he's happy to debate it and talk though.

An option we have is moving in with his family but I don't know if I could take it, they're lovely people, but so overbearing. So any ideas would be fantastic.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (17)
  • Didn't your husband's god give his people intelligence? Or was that an accident?

    Even monkeys control their fertility --for the health of their families and communities, because no species can withstand overpopulation.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:22 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Go to your OBGYN & get contraception. He does not need to know anything. It is your body. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Why leave it to the man to practice contraception?? Get an IUD put in. It's your body that has to carry a pregnancy not his. If he absolutely will not budge on the issue I suppose you will have to get a B.O.B. It's just kind of sad that it has to come down to abstinence, but if that's what it takes to make a point then so be it. One of you get the contraception.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:26 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like his beliefs are so strong that he is not seeing the logical side of it all. If after your conversations you can not come to an agreement I would decide to practice abstinence- if that doesn't bring him around I'm not sure if anything will- good luck!!
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 7:27 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • This is really really tough because it involves religion. If you are Christians, then essentially it boils down to this...all you need to get in to heaven, truly, is to believe in Jesus and ask for forgiveness of your sins. Nothing else matters, because in the Christian religion, a sin is a sin is a sin...and you ARE going to commit them no matter what. Hence the need for Jesus. (This doesn't mean go and freely commit sins, but it does relieve you a little bit of worry about committing them).

    So, for arguments sake, yes, in some denominations of Christianity, contraception is a sin. But so is resentment ;) So is not taking care of the temple God gave you, your body. You could argue that not using contraception is also creating other sins, and on and on.

    You won't go to hell for using contraception. I promise. And mama...5 kids under age 7? YOU NEED A BREAK!
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 7:28 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you but I'm bumping this for you
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 7:28 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Have you and him discussed Natural Family Planning? Or will even that be too contraceptive? And before you other ladies say that's not 100%, remember nothing, besides abstinence is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Have you looked into Natural Family Planning? It can be very effective at preventing pregnancy without using any unnatural contraception. This is the method we used after the birth of our son.

    I have to disagree with the Anon above. Getting contraception without even discussing it with your husband is just going to lead to huge problems between the two of the you later on. Just discuss your feelings, then spend some time together doing research and praying. GL =)
    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 7:37 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Hello Anon, yes we've discussed it and actually tried it after discussing with our doctor how it would be best. I still got pregnant last time and it really upset me since I'd had niggles hence going to the doctor and I thought it would work better than it did. However we managed to stretch it and provide for this little one and now I'm just trying not to back down with my DH. Any recommendations on natural family planning? I think we did everything correctly last time but I could be wrong!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:38 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I am not very religious, but I come from a religious family and respect many religious views. My mother always told me that "God helps those who help themselves". I feel that even if you do not believe in contraception, you can still take efforts to avoid sex during fertile times. Try the calendar method. If someone drives drunk-they are at high risk of getting into an accident- and if you have unprotected sex you are at high risk of getting pregnant. God does not stop good people from dying in car accidents- my grandparents were killed by a drunk driver. I don't think he prevents people from having too many kids- I think he wants us to live lives where we take responsibility for ourselves. In my thinking, part of that responsibility is having children that we know we can care for in the best way we know.
    christinab313

    Answer by christinab313 at 7:40 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

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