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Annoyed much?

My teen daughter is home from college for the weekend. And she has spend the last two nights over her bf. house. (I was gone) Her sister was home alone. I asked her to spend time with her. She did not.
Now she just came into me and asked me "is it okay if I spend the night at Travis' house?"
I told her that I would prefer that she stay home. She was like what difference does it make? I told her you asked me I told you how I felt if you don't want to hear how I feel then don't ask me.
This is annoying me.. She does this every time she comes home. She asks me and I tell her how I feel and when I do she can't understand why I feel the way I do. Oy.
Teens! Do they exist to annoy their parents?

Answer Question

Asked by mmmegan38 at 7:32 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 29 (39,651 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • LOL! If she is staying at her boyfriend's house, make sure she is doing her laundry there, eating there, and getting gas money from someone other than you!

    Let her know her sister misses her. But you know, young love...they don't see clearly until much, much later!

    Answer by SandyHack at 7:34 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Well girls r harder then boys from my experience. Good Luck!!

    Answer by dancer at 7:34 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • My Dd likes zone out while we talk to her, but no boyfriends yet. That is the good part. Knock on wood.

    Answer by idaspida at 7:34 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You are the author of your own annoyance: you have expectations that are out of alignment with reality, and your kid is doing nothing but ensuring you recognize that.

    Your teen is not here to meet your needs, nor to suit your preferences. If it's escaped you to this point that your children are not yours to control, here's a great opportunity to learn that she's a whole, complete and independent human.

    The fact that you were not home and wanted someone to be with your other child is your problem, not hers. It has nothing at all to do with her. You might want them to have a better relationship than they do, but they don't, and that's also not her problem --it's yours.

    A good friend points out that expectations are just planned disappointments.

    Of course, 'what difference does it make' is a bid for you to tell her that you care for her company and want her presence. You kinda missed your cue, there.

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I am just wondering why should she stay home with her sister if you were gone?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:07 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Good point Linda, the next time she asks me what difference does it make I will let her know that I love to have her around. Thanks.
    JL she has a nice relationship with her sister and she told me she misses her. That is why I said they may want to hang out and do stuff together.
    I am still learning. Still learning. Thanks... I appreciate your help.

    Comment by mmmegan38 (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • linda,

    1)the original poster asking her teen daugher to spend time with her sister is not an "out of alignment expectation." It's called "family should come first.

    2)the OP didn't ask teen to "meet her needs" or "suit her preferences." she was pointing out where DDs priorities ought to be and there is NOTHING WRONG with that. And where in the post was she "trying to control" her? (though you do sound like one of those people that think teens are traumatized by hard work and rules)

    3)Nope, teen daughter's problem. Nothing is wrong with putting family first. It's called thinking of someone other than yourself. And yes, teens are very capable of it if you make it abundantly clear that their "it's all about me" attitude WILL. NOT. BE. TOLERATED.

    4)if you can't have any expectations of people you love, it shows how selfish they are, unless expectation is unreasonable.

    5)A comment like that is a chance to remind her

    Answer by purplerobin at 7:02 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • that YOU are the parent, not her, and she can speak to you with respect.

    It's people like you who give teens the idea that they can be hellions and there's no problem with it, they don't have to work for anything, can treat people with any amount of disrespect they want to and it 's other people's fault, and that the world revolves around them. Maybe you should take in a violent, out of control teenage hellion for awhile and see if you're singing a different tune a year down the line.

    Answer by purplerobin at 7:04 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

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