Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help! I've lost my husband to drugs, porn and alcohol.

My husband is a drug addict. He is now drinking more and more. and he blames me for his unhappy life. He's verbally abusive and has pushed me once and kicked me once already. He's got his sister thinking that I'm the one who causes him to get angry towards me, that i'm the one who starts the fights. I have no family, no friends. I'm getting depressed to the point that I sleep all the time and I don't pay attention to our 4 yr old daughter. Somebody please Help me.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • You need to take your daughter and leave. You need to tell him that he needs to get help and sober up or he will loose you forever. I am married to a man that had a severe drinking problem and he was vergally abusive. I left him and took my daughter in order to force his hand to clean up. By staying I knew I was just enabeling him to keep drinking and by leaving I thought it would wake him up and save his life. He loved us bith dearly. He has been sober for 12 years and we remarried 10 years ago. Force his hand and keep you and your daughter safe you ahve to be strong for her. best of luck it wont be easy but it is possible

    Answer by desperateat48 at 9:13 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • LEAVE.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • You probably already know this, but I am going to say it any ways. You cant make him stop his drinking habit or drug habit. He has to stop it on his own. For you and your daughter sanity you need to separate for him.  Tell he gets clean. do it for your child


    Answer by louise2 at 9:19 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • What they said. Leave.

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 9:20 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I agree with desperates148 you have to leave hopefully in order to wake him up from his drunking and addicted life. I can understand your not wanting to if you do not have family or friends to lean on. This is goin to be very difficult but you have too. Think about your little one. What if he starts abusing the child next, and the child growing up with a verbally abusive father. What if he verbally abuses her, words hurt more then a spanking and last longer as well. You have to leave no matter if you have to go the shelter, hotel. it is in the best interest of the child not to be around that. If you are worried about him taking the child when you leave and may be in a shelter call the cops next time you are abused and that way you have evidence that he cant take your child, Good luck

    Answer by Jenlos at 9:38 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • it is impossible to just LEAVE. i noticed that you mentioned that you have no friends or family to help you. it is not smart to leave unless you have a plan. i reccomend calling 1-800-799-SAFE. they are an abuse hotline and they will be able to give you better advice then most of us. and another thing you can do is look online for abuse help.

    Answer by IGotLuckyInKy at 9:41 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Hey there! I know what you are going thru. I just finalized my divorce from my ex last year. He is a drug addict, alcoholic and when I filed for divorce found out he owed THOUSANDS of dollars to a loanshark............wonderful! Anyway, I got out, luckily, I did have family who bent over backwards to help me. Good the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and they have all kinds of resources to help women in this situation get out. As far as his sister goes, shrug it off, some people don't want to admit that their loved one has serious issues. My ex's mother used to say it was my fault and I was being dramatic everytime there would be a HUGE blow up. She would protect him to no end.
    This is a serious situation. If he's a drug addict, it's very possible that he's bring it home too. If the police ever get called to the house, and there are drugs there, your daughter can be taken from you.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:10 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Continued:
    it is NOT impossible to just leave, it seems that way but it's not. You can just get up and walk out at the snap of your fingers. However, it's easier to have a plan.
    I don't want to scare you or anything, but this is a scarey situation. A friend of mine's son was married and his wife had just found out she was pregnant. He was partying and was flying high on coke, they ended up getting into a fight and he killed her and put her in the closet for the weekend. Now he is charged with capital murder. I don't know what kind of drugs your SO is on, but some are worse then others as far as "side affects" go. Be aware. Also, eventually your daughter will catch on to what daddy is doing. Protect her and protect yourself. If you need to feel free to pm me.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:14 AM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I agree you should leave. Also, try to go to an alanon meeting, they're in the phone book. It's not your fault and you can't help him til he decides he wants to be helped. You need to think of you and your daughters safety. He most likely loves you but nothing and I mean nohting is more important to him right now than feeding his addicition. I've been in recovery for 10 years.

    ps. if you don't like the first alanon meeting you go to, try a different one, they are all the same but a little different, i'm sure it will help.

    good luck

    Answer by chuggerboysmom at 12:09 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Listen to The Diva!!

    Answer by amydh at 1:42 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.