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Why does my mother act like this???

I really don't know what to do anymore. My one year old son and I live with my parents. I'm getting divorced and having a tough time. My mom says she dosen't mind me living here and has fun when we go do things together, eat lunch, etc.

It seems like she always is being rude to me though. She was talking about my sister-in-law watching my son half the day saturday. (I work nights and sleep until 2pm sat.) I said that it would be nice if she could watch him all day so I could have time to go do something on my own. Her response: "NO! you have to stay hom and take care of your baby like other mothers do!" I DO take care of my child the whole time I'm off work which is saturday afternoon, sunday, and monday. I don't know why she acts like I'm trying to get out of it.

Today we were eating out with my brother, sister-in-law, and their two kids. Cody, my son, started getting fussy and rubbing his eyes. I nudged her and said it's getting close to his nap time. Her response was "deal with it!"

She does this kind of thing all the time. I feel like she is always mad at me and she's trying to make me feel guilty. If I could I'd get my own place to get out of her hair. When I mention it her and my dad get mad at me for that too. They say I'm better off living here. They are probably right on that part. I'd always be in a bind for money where now I can easily take care of mine and my sons expenses.

I work part time 4 nights a week so it's difficult for me to constantly change from being awake nights to being awake days. Last saturday I was so dead tired I put Cody to bed at 8:30 instead of 9 like mom usually does. I went straight to bed after that. Then mom acted like I was lazy because of it.

These are just a few things. She also likes to dig up things in did in the past so she can complain about how "mean" I used to be. I was a normal kid with normal issues. Plus, I'm 34 now. Who cares what I did when I was 13! I don't constantly bring up stuff she did that hurt my feelings years ago.

I want to say something to her so she can realize how she is coming across to me. I'm tired of her acting like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of her trying to make me feel guilty about things that are out of my control. I think part of it might be because she gets tired and frustrated because she helps me with my son and also babysits my brothers 2 kids who are 5 and 8. I can understand that and that's why I try to be nice all the time even when she is rude. I don't know how much longer I can deal with it though. I really want to blow up sometimes.

Does anyone know what I should do about this? Anyone in a similar situation as we are? I just want to get along!

Answer Question
 
FroggyFeet

Asked by FroggyFeet at 9:16 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 16 (2,353 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • You need to talk to her and if it is too much for her to watch all 3 kids, you should try to find alternate daycare.
    bugfin

    Answer by bugfin at 9:20 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Wow my mom and i are having same problems except i live in house behind theirs! She is so overbearing but when i call her out on it she clams up and it's all me! I am 33 for crying out loud. I don't remember the last time she watched one of my kids! She has no patience! Sorry i am NOOO help! But i can at least relate!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 9:22 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • move into your own place even if you have to get a low rent apartment or section 8 until you get on your feet. It will give you your own place and maybe some space will help your mom? GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:27 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • She is also pressuring me into going to church again. I'm supposed to make nice friends there and get a social life. WHEN would I actually have time to be social???
    FroggyFeet

    Comment by FroggyFeet (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • Ok - I'm going to come from the angle of a Mom who has two children who have lived with us at various times. As much as your Mom & Dad love you having a grown child and a grandchild/ren in the house is very stressful. Having two women of who have been housekeepers of their own is difficult. I would say that your Mom feels like she wants to "correct" you but at the same time fights with herself not to do that. We as Mom's still see our children as well, children and not always as proficient adults. And we are not perfect just because we are Moms.

    My suggestion: find somewhere else to live. You are 34 years old and are capable of being on your own. You will have a sense of pride in doing it too. My daughter is 33 years old with two children and moved out at Thanksgiving. As much as I love her and our grandchildren I was happy to have my house back to myself. Then you and your Mom will see eye to eye easier again.
    remomingit

    Answer by remomingit at 10:11 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I agree with you remomingit, it's just not possible to move right now. Maybe soon something will happen.
    FroggyFeet

    Comment by FroggyFeet (original poster) at 10:20 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • You need to air all of this for her, she might be your mother but she can't read your mind.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:29 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I'm answering this from the side of the mom; I've been dealing with this part time while my kids are in college and return home for breaks and summers. For parents, dealing with grown kids is an emotional roller coaster ride; your sad when they leave, happy to see them return, and relieved when its time for them to go back again! The relationship has changed and it is very stressful from a parent's point of view to try to figure out what that new relationship boundry's entail. You see grown children "want it all"; they want to come and go as they please because they are adults now but they also want their meals cooked and laundry done. My kids were actually shocked to find out that I, after working a 10 hour day, no longer felt that making dinner for them (while they slept and caught up with olf freinds all day) was the highlight of my day. We needed to establish new rules. Maybe that is what your mom needs too.
    Leener3

    Answer by Leener3 at 10:16 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I do understand the lack of support...I have lived with my mom and then with my sister and both times never got an ounce of help and then there would be the snide remarks. They would never even watch my kids for a half an hour because it wasn't their job..never mind they are just sitting around anyway. I look back and chalk it up to lack of maturity and lack of compassion on their parts. Now it is 15 years later and my 1st 3 are grown but I have a 6 yr old and my sister has turned a new leaf and will watch my son, it always shocks me because she would never watch the first 3. I have always been one to turn the other cheek and just deal with whatever the current situation at hand happens to be.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You should talk to your mother. She might not know this is how you feel. My daughter is 19 she moved back. She is pregnant. I told her I would help her. She dropped out of school. Now she is getting her GED. She want to get her driving licence before the baby is born. After the baby is born she want to get a job. I told her I would baby sit when she go to work or just need a break.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 12:36 PM on Feb. 12, 2011

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