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okay this may sound bad but i dont know i need your answers and the truth no lies..
a male friend has come back into my life and weve always had a very strong relationship..He ended up falling in love with me when we were younger..and i fell in love as well..we both knew about our feelings and he wanted more but i was to scared to do anything bc i wasnt in the right place in my life to..anyways he joined the army and im now in north carolina married and with a 6yr old..he tld me tonight that even though im married a part of him is still in love with me...  I told him that i will always love him bc he has been a big part of my life and he has been there for me in some of the darkest times in my life..But we are also best friends and have been for over 10yrs..im happily married and in love with my husband...Has Anybody else gone through this and what do i do?? im not going to end my friendship bc that means to much to the both of us...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Jan. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yes I've been thru a similiar situation. I fell in love at a young age and we had a lot of passion and love, but neither of us were truly ready for a life long commitment; however less than a year later I met my husband. Two years after I got married my ex came back into my life, we began talking and he was very straight forward with telling me that he still had a lot of feelings for me. I told him I'd always love him but I was in love with my husband and that wouldn't change. It's been 6 years since then - I'm still happily married with 4 kids and I still have my best friend, he's even best friends with my husband, and I couldn't imagine not having him as a friend. He was respectful of the fact that I fell in love with someone else, he accepted that we'd never be together and as soon as he knew my husband was a good guy he moved on and neither of us have come close to crossing that "friendship" line.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 1:05 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Yes, and now that you've shared your mutual fairy tale, you can return to the real world.

    Whenever we're faced with struggles, personal development, brain development or other stresses, we often look around for that magical 'if only' that was incomplete.... look over the fence at what might have been, and it would have been spectacular. You know? It would have been the best the world has ever known... do you know why?

    Because fantasy doesn't include reality. Princes have babies who poop, and castles have lonely halls devoid of love and filled with impersonal staff who don't dote on anyone they know this well... who wants to get dressed and walk half a mile just to get coffee every morning?

    Fantasies (like the one you're building with your buddy) are fantastic BECAUSE they aren't real. If you were really together, you'd find all the irritants you will only find through living with anyone. You're both whole, real people.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:02 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • i am going through a similar situation but my husband wont let me be friends with any male...but if i was you and if you are really happy with your husband i would keep the other deep deep down...if you need to talk i am here
    jesslovesyou08

    Answer by jesslovesyou08 at 11:58 PM on Jan. 16, 2011

  • I had an exbf come back into my life at a time when my marriage was at a low point and he told me how he would get me a house and we could be a family ....he painted a nice picture! but in the back of my head I couldn't help but think that I would just be making bigger problems for everyone and that there is no true way of knowing he and I would be happy....so I stayed put and turned him down and I'm still married..not happy but still I have my vows in tact and the kids are better off this way
    alotleft2do

    Answer by alotleft2do at 12:09 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • i had a similar relationship with one of my best friends he is my daughters god father.. and when i was pregnant he was always there when i was all lonely.. but he is military and got shipped back home so i kinda let him go and iam so happy with my SO and my best friend had a girlfriend and i kinda felt jealous.. even tho i had a bf well than he proceeded to tell me he cared for me and i had to tell him i felt the same way but i told him i was happy he was ok with it and we are still best friends.. so just talk to him it wil all work out ..
    kyiahsmommy

    Answer by kyiahsmommy at 12:01 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I agree with LindaClement.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 12:04 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Your friendship with this man, what is it worth to you? It's worth enough that you've already disrespected your husband by telling this other man that you're in love with him. By doing so, and by maintaining a relationship, you not only put your "happy" marriage on the line, but your daughters happiness as well. Is all that meaningless to you?? I wouldn't expect any self-respecting husband to put up with that. If you love your family, it doesn't matter how good of a "friendship" you have with this man: you MUST CUT IT OFF because you are risking the happiness of your whole family for your own pleasure. I am not saying this to be mean. If you were my sister or my friend, I would SHAKE you right now and say, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TO LOSE HERE?!?!?!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:19 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • The truth is... I want to know what all this means to your husband and how would he feel if you told him all this? That might be a good place to start.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 12:22 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • To Adelicious...I never said i was in love with my friend..please re-read my question...i will always love him bc of what we've been through..weve never dated or anything..yes hes tld me that a part of him is still in love with me...i love him as my best friend and as a man who has been there for me since the day we met almost more then 10 yrs ago..my husband knows that i love him as my friend..nothing more nothing less.no ur post did not make me mad..i just want to clear things up...dont get me wrong im not putting my family at risk,i love my husband and daughter more then anything...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:43 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I see "red flags" popping up all over the place! When you get married, you come to a place where you've selected who you want to be as your life-long partner. Most of us recited those wedding vows that included "forsaking all others". The past is the past and even though you may still have feelings for this other man, it is time to push them aside. You are no longer available. How would you feel if your dh was communicating w/an old flame? Do the right thing and keep this person in your past and move forward w/your new life with your new family.
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 1:20 AM on Jan. 17, 2011